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Home > Culture and Society

Bad God

16 January 2004

God has been up to no good again this week.

First of all, it turns out that his pesky Son has been whispering naughty suggestions into peoples' ears. The ears of people like Mijailo Mijailovic, the man who stabbed to death Anna Lindh, the Swedish Foreign Minister, who admitted this week that he'd been hearing holy voices:

"I don't know, I think it's Jesus. He has chosen me."

And over in Argentina, Lucas Tomas leapt into a lion enclosure in order to play at being a matador with his coat, and got the mauling he deserved. Tomas said he was told to jump in by "voices from God."

The question has to be: why is God doing this? Is he bored? And Jesus too? Are they just wandering around the place like bored teenagers looking for kicks? Stealing cider from newsagents and giving each other stupid dares: "Go on, tell him to jump in with the lions - it'll be a laugh. He might even get mauled. What? Are you a chicken? Pwarrk pwarrk pwarrk..."

This is the sort of behaviour that can get a supreme being a bad name. If they stick to famines and disease and earthquakes, then fine - it seems big and important. This is the sort of nastiness that befits a god. Millions dead. A judgement from heaven, that kind of thing. It's the little stuff that rankles. The individuals; the loonies. It seems almost improper that God or Jesus should be wasting their time with them. Embarrassing, really. (It's all a question of scale - as Bob Dylan said: "Steal a little and they put you in jail. Steal a lot and they make you a king.")

That's why the Iranian earthquake was such a blessing. It felt right. Hopefully now God can put these little 'lapses' behind him and get on with the serious business of fucking us up good and proper.

Stick to what he does best. Like the Chinese bird flu.

Now *that's* more like it.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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