2001-2008
Home
Main
- About TFT
Friday Thing Archive
- Politics
- Media
- Culture and Society
- War On Terror
- People
- Places
- World
- Popped Clogs
- Music
- Books
- Film
- Etc
Help And Info
- Contact Details
- Advertising
- Jobs
- Privacy Policy
- XML Feed

Home > Culture and Society

Uri Geller: thou good and faithful servant

24 January 2004

Uri Geller once wrote in the Sunday Post that there is nothing wrong with Michael Jackson's face. Famed for his powers of perception, Geller went on to describe the troubled star's terrifying, criminally-insane mask as 'strong and serene'. 'His skin is beautiful,' he wrote. 'Shining, almost translucent.' Having failed to notice the abused jelly baby of Jackson's nose, it is clear that Geller's perception of reality is, let's say, skewed.

Add to a skewed reality an ever-present ever-unctuous self-awe and you begin to understand why Geller inspires such avid loathing.

This week, yet again, he was in the news on the back of his close pal Michael Jackson, telling Israel's Army Radio about how he hypnotised him three years ago, and then quizzed him about his alleged boy-handlings and pederasty.

Under 'deep hypnosis' Jackson told Geller, 'My relations with children are very beautiful.' He also said that he had 'never touched a child in a sexual way'. Now one of the many, many problems here - if we assume that Jackson really was hypnotised and really did respond in this way - is that of interpretation. Jackson's, Geller's and of course ours. For example, would it not be perfectly feasible for Jackson to abuse children sexually and still consider that same act 'non-sexual' and indeed 'very beautiful'? He'd just have to be insane. Which let's face it, is far from improbable.

Furthermore, his use of the word 'relations' could certainly do with a little qualification. But Geller gave no mention of having followed up with any more pertinent questions. Which is a shame. Maybe he should hypnotise him again, in a controlled environment. A TV studio maybe. They could get a few experts in. Geller could put him under and Bashir could have another crack at him. That would be fun. They could put it on pay per view.

We could be wrong of course, but it seems to us that besides being an official close friend, Geller is also one of the star's largest non-Nation of Islam parasites. Again, this is just a hunch, but he seems to us a woefully transparent, self-fellating leech, milking Michael for all he's worth; clamped like a perma-tanned tic to the skinny white buttocks of the Jackson publicity bandwagon. And there is certainly a sense that if Jackson goes down, Geller might well come up smelling of Tam Paton.

Which is not to suggest for one moment that Geller's penchant for bending extends to pre-pubescent boys. Far from it. However, in all honesty now, would you want the creepy clock-fixing charlatan looking after your kids?


More Uri.

Uri's Art.

Urivision.



Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

Subscribe to The Friday Thing for free


 ABOUT THE FRIDAY THING
Bad words ahead The Friday Thing is a weekly email comment sheet. Casting a cynical eye over the week's events, it is rarely fair and never balanced.

A selection of articles from each week's issue appear online, but to enjoy the full Thing, delivered by email every Friday - as well as access to almost five years of back issues - you'll need to subscribe. It's absolutely free.

READERS WRITE
"Razor-sharp comment and gossip." - The Sunday Times

"Hilariously cynical..To describe it as 'irreverent' is to do the newsletter an injustice." - The Observer

"Sharp, intelligent, opinionated, uncompromising and very, very funny. Just like 'Private Eye' used to be." - Alec McKelland

"Wicked" - Channel 4

"Ace" - Time Out

"'We rise once again in advocacy of The Friday Thing. We realize that some of you may be unwilling to spend [your money] on plain-text comment, but you're only depriving yourself." - The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

"Subscribing to this at the beginning of the year was undoubtedly one of the better decisions I've made. Superlative, and utterly marvellous. I look forward to Fridays now, because I can't wait for the next issue. Fucking fucking brilliant." - Meish.org

"Featuring writers from The Observer, Smack The Pony and The 11 O'Clock Show... will continue to attract new subscribers sight unseen" - NeedToKnow

"The Friday Thing is so good it's stopping me from doing a bunk of a Friday afternoon." - Annie Blinkhorn (The Erotic Review)

"So now" - The Evening Standard

"Damn it, you rule. May you never, ever back down." - Paul Mayze

"Ace" - PopJustice

"Snarky" - Online Journalism Review

"Can you please stop making me laugh out loud... I'm supposed to be working, you know!" - Tamsin Tyrwhitt

"Your coverage of stuff as it spills is right on the money." - Mike Woods

"Popbitch with A-Levels." - Tim Footman

"In an inbox full of trite work-related nonsense, TFT shines from under its subject heading like the sun out of Angus Deayton's arse." - Nikki Hunt

"A first rate email. It's become an integral part of my week, and my life would be empty and meaningless without it (well, *more* empty and meaningless anyway)." - Mark Pugh

"Genius, absolute bit of class. And you can quote me on that." - Lee Neville

"If you're hipper than hell, this is what you read." - MarketingSherpa

"The most entertaining email I've had all week. Great tone." - Matthew Prior

"A massive and engrossing wit injection." - idiotica.co.uk

"I wouldn't know satire if it bit me on the arse. But I did like the Naomi Campbell joke." - Matt Kelly (The Mirror)

"Has had an understandably high profile among people who know about these things." - Guy Clapperton (Guardian Online)

"Satirical sideswipes at the burning issues of the day." - Radio 5 Live

"Puerile and worthless... Truly fabulous... Do read the whole thing." - Stephen Pollard

The Friday Thing 2001-2008 - All Rights Reserved