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Home > Culture and Society

Uri Geller: thou good and faithful servant

24 January 2004

Uri Geller once wrote in the Sunday Post that there is nothing wrong with Michael Jackson's face. Famed for his powers of perception, Geller went on to describe the troubled star's terrifying, criminally-insane mask as 'strong and serene'. 'His skin is beautiful,' he wrote. 'Shining, almost translucent.' Having failed to notice the abused jelly baby of Jackson's nose, it is clear that Geller's perception of reality is, let's say, skewed.

Add to a skewed reality an ever-present ever-unctuous self-awe and you begin to understand why Geller inspires such avid loathing.

This week, yet again, he was in the news on the back of his close pal Michael Jackson, telling Israel's Army Radio about how he hypnotised him three years ago, and then quizzed him about his alleged boy-handlings and pederasty.

Under 'deep hypnosis' Jackson told Geller, 'My relations with children are very beautiful.' He also said that he had 'never touched a child in a sexual way'. Now one of the many, many problems here - if we assume that Jackson really was hypnotised and really did respond in this way - is that of interpretation. Jackson's, Geller's and of course ours. For example, would it not be perfectly feasible for Jackson to abuse children sexually and still consider that same act 'non-sexual' and indeed 'very beautiful'? He'd just have to be insane. Which let's face it, is far from improbable.

Furthermore, his use of the word 'relations' could certainly do with a little qualification. But Geller gave no mention of having followed up with any more pertinent questions. Which is a shame. Maybe he should hypnotise him again, in a controlled environment. A TV studio maybe. They could get a few experts in. Geller could put him under and Bashir could have another crack at him. That would be fun. They could put it on pay per view.

We could be wrong of course, but it seems to us that besides being an official close friend, Geller is also one of the star's largest non-Nation of Islam parasites. Again, this is just a hunch, but he seems to us a woefully transparent, self-fellating leech, milking Michael for all he's worth; clamped like a perma-tanned tic to the skinny white buttocks of the Jackson publicity bandwagon. And there is certainly a sense that if Jackson goes down, Geller might well come up smelling of Tam Paton.

Which is not to suggest for one moment that Geller's penchant for bending extends to pre-pubescent boys. Far from it. However, in all honesty now, would you want the creepy clock-fixing charlatan looking after your kids?

More Uri.

Uri's Art.


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