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Home > Culture and Society

WAWIBF... Arnold

27 May 2004

An American toy company which makes cheap plastic celebrity-caricature dolls with nodding-dog heads this week made the terrible mistake of assuming that Austrian politician Arnold Schwarzenegger has a sense of humour. He does not.

Turns out the laughs in Commando were all completely unintentional. Worse still, considering that part of the profits from sales of the doll would have gone to cancer-fighting charities, not only does Arnold not have a sense of humour, he also clearly considers the sanctity of his own horrible image more important than the possibility of saving sweet American children from horrible cancer deaths. In short, Arnold doesn't give a damn. Couldn't care less. He is suing the company, Ohio Discount Merchandise Inc., for 'millions of dollars'. His lawyer explained: '[Arnold's] name, voice and likeness are not in the public domain.' Thank God they're too stupid to watch The Simpsons.

President of Ohio Discount Merchandise, Todd Bosley, is baffled. Other politicians, including Jesse Jackson, Richard Nixon, Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani have all taken their Bosley Bobber Dolls in good humour. Giuliani is apparently so enamoured of his that he takes it with him everywhere he goes. It is believed to have been with him at this week's 9/11 commission hearings  some say it was actually the doll answering the questions. "We've never had a problem like this," says Bosley.

Meanwhile, Arnold doesn't give a fuck. He's still suing. He feels damaged. He feels the doll in question is 'outrageous, malicious and tortious.' Poor thing. But the toy company is standing firm. They believe it is their first amendment right to exploit the likenesses of politicians. They believe they are standing up for 'what America really is'. A toy shop, presumably, full of cheap plastic crap and massive over-litigation.

The company's two best-selling dolls incidentally, are said to be those of Anna Nicole Smith and Jesus Christ, neither of whom have sought damages. So although he will never come out and say it, Arnold clearly feels that he is bigger than Jesus. Well, maybe.

But at least Jesus had a sense of humour. Oh, no. That was his dad.


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