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Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide To... Commemorating D-Day

It's almost the 60th anniversary of the greatest day in history: D-Day. So how can we best enjoy and commemorate this historic amphibious assault? TFT suggests:

4 June 2004

1) Remember the forgotten heroes of World War 2: the soldiers who never saw action and came back without any decent anecdotes or poems.

2) If you're a bit mentally dull, spend the day making mind-bogglingly inane statements, eg. 'It must have been terrible on the beaches!', 'Susan and I were thinking of buying a holiday home in Normandy' or 'Why didn't they just get rid of Hitler after World War 1?'

3) Take part in the common misconception that if it hadn't been for the Americans joining the war we'd all be speaking German. (We'd still have been speaking English, or English and German, or, quite possibly, Russian.)

4) If you're too young to have fought in World War 2, why not spend the day feeling like a selfish, pampered, cowardly, weak, pathetic, greedy, self-indulgent, amoral, feckless, self-centred little shit? That's the subtext, anyway.

5) Remember that as far back as 1939, the well-being of the Jews was paramount for everyone in the world who fought against Nazi Germany.

6) If you're a Daily Mail reader, fondly remember a time when you could leave your front door unlocked. There wasn't much point in locking it after the Luftwaffe had blown all the walls off.

7) Remember that in 1944, people fought in the war because they decided it was the right thing to do, not because political events beyond their control (caused in part by imperial rivalries and the botched armistice settlement of 1918) meant you had to fight or go to prison.

8.) If you're a member of the text generation, spend the entire day trying to send illiterate text messages to the BBC saying things like 'dday ws wickd!!! caz xxx', 'i h8 hitler luk @ his hair!!! kris xxx' and 'ww2 rokcs!!! noel xxx.'

9) Show your respect for the war generation by holding a World War 2 theme party. Offer your guests powdered egg vol-au-vents and Spam canapes. (After this it's OK to get out the real food.)

10) If you're a making a TV programme about World War 2, always use the words 'German' and 'Nazi' interchangeably, eg. 'Lancaster bombers and Flying Fortresses razed the Nazi cities of Cologne and Dresden.'

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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