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Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide To... Euro 2004

It's Euro 2004. Hooray. So what can we expect from this entirely unpredictable sporting contest?

12 June 2004

1) The England team will enjoy (in the following order):

- Dizzying victories against countries like the Penguins Republic of Little Icelandia, enabling England to scrape through to the next round.

- National hysteria.

- An unceremonious, almost clinical, thrashing by Germany, Holland, Spain or Italy.


2) UEFA's totally pompous, Brit-hating claim that the British FA is responsible for the minority of British fans who cause trouble causes such annoyance that non-violent, non-hooligan England fans go on the rampage in Portugal, culminating in the desecration of Salazar's grave. (The ex-dictator's corpse is paraded through the burning streets of Lisbon wearing an England shirt with a can of Carling Black Label wedged in its jaw.)


3) World economy destabilised as Sainsburys' Euro 2004 medals overtake the Euro on currency markets.


4) Divorce rate soars as women who only got into football to impress blokes finally realise they hate football.


5) Still no end to 30 years of hurt.


6) 30 years of dreaming continues unabated.



Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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