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Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide To... Rail Trespass Deaths

The police have highlighted the dangers of trespassing on railway lines, revealing that 60 trespassers have been killed in the past year as a result, six of them children. So what can be done stop youngsters hanging around railway lines?

26 June 2004

1) Railways to be made less appealing places to teenage tearaways by plastering them with GCSE revision information.

2) Ensure the conviction of railway trespassers by creating a new offence: being chav scum. Proof of guilt will be established by the ownership of a pathetically small amount of 'blow'.

3) There should be more youth clubs. (This isn't actually a solution to anything, it's just the sort of thing people say when they're too PC to point out that being underprivileged isn't really an excuse for vandalising railway stations.)

4) Young people to be encouraged to stay away from railways and instead stay at home with a new Playstation game: Teenage Trespasser Trackside Tag Tournament.

5) 'One strike and you're out' zero-tolerance policy to be introduced by increasing the voltage of the third rail.



Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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