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Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide To... Faith Schools

Tony Blair is in favour of faith schools. He's so in favour of them that when he visited the King's Academy in Middlesborough, he showed 'genuine delight in what he saw', according to the headmaster. Well, who wouldn't, at a school that teaches creationism, that homosexuality is a sin and that Muslims (but not Christians) are all wrong? So what can we expect from religion-based education in the future?

16 July 2004

1) Raft of new GCSE subjects to be introduced: GCSE Fear and Superstition, GCSE Catholic Self-Loathing, and GCSE Witch Finding.

2) Pupils forced to get married before they can get wanked off behind the bike sheds.

3) Creationism taught instead of GCSE science. Pass rate rises to 100 per cent as the answer to every question becomes 'God'.

4) Traditional excuse 'The dog ate my homework' to be replaced with 'I was waiting for the answers to come to me in a vision'.

5) Every fruitcake sect to get its own schools. Soon a whole generation of children grows up believing in every nonsense belief system ever devised: Wicca, Scientology, Satanism, the Illuminati, the 'End Time', Wilhelm Reich's 'orgone' experiments, flat earth theory and George Lucas' The Force...



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