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Home > Culture and Society

The stench of celebrity

15 October 2004

Elizabeth Taylor, Joan Collins, Julio Iglesias, Michael Jordan, Priscilla Presley, Celine Dion, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Naomi Campbell, J-Lo, Beyoncé, Britney, Cher, Giselle, Pavarotti and the Olsens. What do they have in common? No, apart from that. That's right, they're all sickeningly greedy scumbags for whom no amount of millions will ever be enough. Which is why they have all launched at least one line of perfume.

And it makes sense. If money's your thing, then trading off your celebrity and exploiting your fans' misplaced loyalty is definitely the way to go. Like releasing CDs with four different covers, personalised celebrity stench is a way of wringing money they probably can't spare from the fanatical love-blind fools who made you what you are.

Anyway, this week arch-Christian and all-round horrorshow Cliff Richard has joined the A-list throng exploitative and launched 'Miss You Nights', his first fragrance. According to his website, it carries 'his signature perfume - a warm floral-oriental scent containing rose, jasmine and ylang ylang, combined with the woody scent of sandalwood.' Sounds great. Smells like a transvestite's bra.

In a way, you can't help thinking that Cliff might have been better-advised to launch a product that more reflects his image. An anti-ageing cream maybe. Or a scalpel. Even better, a greasy little butt-plug. Or a foot-long dildo - yes, that's it, a giant plastic cock. That would have been right up his alley. Speaking of which, who would have guessed it - Christopher Biggins is a fan of Cliff's flowery stench. 'I bought it especially for my mother,' he told the Guardian. 'And I can't wait for the scented candle.' Hmmm.

If you're a fan of Cliff and his essence of hypocritical virgin, you'll be pleased to know that he is launching a second scent called - not Money Maker - but Dream Maker, which will hit the shops 'in time for Christmas'. Aaah. Christ must be so proud of him.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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