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Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide To... Great British Myths

This week a survey showed that 67 per cent of Brits don't engage in DIY because, by their own admission, they're not much good at it. The survey also found that the modern Brit is too busy working long hours to get involved in serious DIY projects, finally laying to rest the myth that we're a nation of DIY buffs. But what other myths about the lifestyles of the great British public need to be debunked?

26 November 2004

1) Brits don't actually like football. Entire nation pretended to be into it during Espana '82 in an attempt to gain social acceptance and become 'one of the lads', and has been forced to maintain the grim charade ever since.

2) 'Blitz Spirit' found to be a work of wartime propaganda. However the following wartime spirits DID exist:

The 'At least Hitler's doing something about the Jews' Spirit;

The 'Oh God! I don't want to die! Take the women and children but not me!' Spirit;

The 'Ooh! They won't be wanting that carriage clock now they're dead!' Spirit.

3) Traditional adages about English manners no longer apply, eg. 'Tread on an Englishman's foot once and he'll apologise to you. Tread on his foot twice and he'll apologise again. Tread on it three times and he'll knock you over.' Nowadays, tread on an Englishman's foot once and he'll start hysterically screaming 'YER A FUCKING CUNT BASTARD YA CUNT FUCKER CUNT!', then three of his mates will follow you home and kick you in the head until you lose the sight in one eye, while a pissed chav girl eggs them on.

4) Brits not actually loyal to Royal family. Entire hysteria surrounding Royals traced back to idle pub speculation circa 1985 that Sarah Ferguson was probably 'a bit of a goer'.

5) Entire traditional English way of life found to have been made up by Ray Davies.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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