- About TFT
Friday Thing Archive
- Politics
- Media
- Culture and Society
- War On Terror
- People
- Places
- World
- Popped Clogs
- Music
- Books
- Film
- Etc
Help And Info
- Contact Details
- Advertising
- Jobs
- Privacy Policy
- XML Feed

Home > Culture and Society

Arrogant Catholic plans family for total strangers

26 November 2004

Imagine you go to your local shoe shop to buy a pair of leather boots, only to be refused service on the grounds that the sales assistant is a committed vegan. Imagine you queue up in your local supermarket with a trolley full of pork chops, only to be turned away at the last moment because the chap on the checkout is a committed Jew.

Imagine you pop along to your local bookshop to purchase a new bible - maybe you're hoping a newer edition might have a few more gags in it - only to be denied because the guy at the till is a committed Satanist. How do you feel? You feel furious, that's how you feel. Because it's about freedom. It's about free trade.

Kerrie Gooch is 24 years old. She has a nine-week-old baby and a two-year-old child. She is in a long-term relationship but she doesn't want any more children, thank you very much. Not for now at least. For this reason she practises safe sex. For Kerrie Gooch is a responsible member of society. Unfortunately, last week, the condom Kerrie and her partner were using split. So the next day her partner went along to a Tesco pharmacy to pick up a morning-after pill. However, Tesco won't serve a man the morning-after pill unless he has a woman with him. Apparently that's the law. It is not clear why. He is allowed to buy tampons. Why not the morning-after pill? What's he going to do with it? Spike his pregnant mistress, that's what. Grow up. Men are cruel. They hate women.

OK, so a little later, Kerrie found herself at the Lloyd's pharmacy in Swindon, and when she asked for a morning-after pill, she was refused. She was refused because the pharmacist behind the counter was Catholic and didn't approve.

What makes this story all the more shocking is that the pharmacist was apparently well within his rights. Any pharmacist is allowed to refuse to dispense a drug on religious grounds, just as long as an alternative pharmacist is suggested. Now that is just weird. Just sell the fucking products, you jumped-up
fucking shop-keeper. Catholics are such superior fuckers. They think they're Jesus Christ Almighty.

CUSTOMER: Just a copy of Playboy, please. Oh, and twenty Benson & Hedges.

NEWSAGENT: Playboy, sir? Not on your nelly, sir. I'm afraid I find pornographic magazines deeply offensive, no matter how much the photographers are paid. Masturbation is a sin, you see. As is nudity. So sadly I shan't be able to sell you your smut. I am actually doing you a favour though, and saving your soul from the bowels of hell, so you should thank me. Could I offer you instead a video of some Catholic priests buggering a four-year-old boy?

CUSTOMER: Um, no thanks. Just the cigarettes then, please.

NEWSAGENT: No, I'm sorry, sir. Smoking is not a life-style choice I approve of either I'm afraid. How about a smoothie?

The morning-after pill is legal. It serves an astonishingly useful purpose. It keeps unwanted human beings out of the world. You could say it saves lives. At the very least it certainly saves an awful lot of anguish. No-one - Catholic or Buddhist, Satanist or Muslim - should have the right to refuse it to someone in need. Having a fundamentalist Catholic working in a pharmacy clearly makes as much sense as having a Jehovah's Witness operate a blood transfusion unit. You wouldn't put a nun in a sex shop (not unless it really turned you on), so - until
they can learn to leave their voodoo at home - don't put fundamentalist Catholics in pharmacies. Or indeed anywhere where they can foist their primitive, destructive beliefs on ordinary, law-abiding, responsible members of the community.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

Subscribe to The Friday Thing for free

Bad words ahead The Friday Thing is a weekly email comment sheet. Casting a cynical eye over the week's events, it is rarely fair and never balanced.

A selection of articles from each week's issue appear online, but to enjoy the full Thing, delivered by email every Friday - as well as access to almost five years of back issues - you'll need to subscribe. It's absolutely free.

"Razor-sharp comment and gossip." - The Sunday Times

"Hilariously cynical..To describe it as 'irreverent' is to do the newsletter an injustice." - The Observer

"Sharp, intelligent, opinionated, uncompromising and very, very funny. Just like 'Private Eye' used to be." - Alec McKelland

"Wicked" - Channel 4

"Ace" - Time Out

"'We rise once again in advocacy of The Friday Thing. We realize that some of you may be unwilling to spend [your money] on plain-text comment, but you're only depriving yourself." - The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

"Subscribing to this at the beginning of the year was undoubtedly one of the better decisions I've made. Superlative, and utterly marvellous. I look forward to Fridays now, because I can't wait for the next issue. Fucking fucking brilliant." - Meish.org

"Featuring writers from The Observer, Smack The Pony and The 11 O'Clock Show... will continue to attract new subscribers sight unseen" - NeedToKnow

"The Friday Thing is so good it's stopping me from doing a bunk of a Friday afternoon." - Annie Blinkhorn (The Erotic Review)

"So now" - The Evening Standard

"Damn it, you rule. May you never, ever back down." - Paul Mayze

"Ace" - PopJustice

"Snarky" - Online Journalism Review

"Can you please stop making me laugh out loud... I'm supposed to be working, you know!" - Tamsin Tyrwhitt

"Your coverage of stuff as it spills is right on the money." - Mike Woods

"Popbitch with A-Levels." - Tim Footman

"In an inbox full of trite work-related nonsense, TFT shines from under its subject heading like the sun out of Angus Deayton's arse." - Nikki Hunt

"A first rate email. It's become an integral part of my week, and my life would be empty and meaningless without it (well, *more* empty and meaningless anyway)." - Mark Pugh

"Genius, absolute bit of class. And you can quote me on that." - Lee Neville

"If you're hipper than hell, this is what you read." - MarketingSherpa

"The most entertaining email I've had all week. Great tone." - Matthew Prior

"A massive and engrossing wit injection." - idiotica.co.uk

"I wouldn't know satire if it bit me on the arse. But I did like the Naomi Campbell joke." - Matt Kelly (The Mirror)

"Has had an understandably high profile among people who know about these things." - Guy Clapperton (Guardian Online)

"Satirical sideswipes at the burning issues of the day." - Radio 5 Live

"Puerile and worthless... Truly fabulous... Do read the whole thing." - Stephen Pollard

The Friday Thing 2001-2008 - All Rights Reserved