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Home > Culture and Society

The TFT guide to... falling education standards

This week it was revealed that UK schools are slipping down the world education league, after pupils in different countries were set identical tests and British youngsters managed to be crap at yet another thing, along with 'not being clinically obese', 'not being pregnant' and 'not being off their fucking heads' . But how could examiners tell that British children are getting thicker?

10 December 2004

1) A picture of an ejaculating penis with big hairy bollocks and the words 'DAVE BUMS HIS MUM' turned out not to be the causes of World War I.

2) 80 per cent of candidates copied their name off the person sitting next to them. Further marks were lost for spelling it incorrectly.

3) When asked to list the main themes of a piece of literature they were studying, the majority of 16-year-olds wrote: 'egg man fall of wall. all the kings's horsis and all the kings's men cudnt put humpo??? 2gethr agen.'

4) Only four per cent of students put their hand up to go to the toilet during the exam. The rest just wet themselves.

5) 95 per cent of candidates failed the following multiple choice question:

If 2X+5=9, what is X? Is it:

A. 2

B. 200,000,000

C. Terminal moraine

D. Dave bums his mum



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