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Home > Culture and Society

The BNP Christmas disco

11 December 2004

The BNP are a funny old bunch of scumbags. A brief perusal of their website tosses up enough weird ideas about the world to really make you shake your head in bewildered despair.

At first, you may notice a couple of things that you are forced to agree with - like them being against Britain's 'spineless subservience to the USA' and maintaining that 'it is a disgrace that Britain's recent achievements in chess are largely ignored' - and you start thinking, 'Hey, wait a minute, maybe they're not such rotten stinking apples after all.' Then they start ranting on about white Britons being second-class citizens, about 'the huge influence of the homosexual mafia in the media' and about 'Muslim men drugging young White under-age girls and pushing them into prostitution' and you remember that they are all utterly, utterly insane.

However, despite the fact that they may not be the most open-minded people in the world, nor the brightest, nor the most amiable, they are human beings, just like the rest of us; and just like the rest of us, they do like to get together and
celebrate at this special time of year. So last weekend they had their Christmas party. But, as BNP spokesman and Croydon branch organiser Bob Garner explained, 'There was a bit of a cock-up'.

The cock-up occurred when some silly beggar went and booked a black DJ for the do. Apparently, the guy who booked him reckoned that 'he sounded white over the phone', which presumably means he didn't answer the phone with words 'Who dat dere?' But this is where it all gets a bit confusing.

In recent years, BNP leader Nick Griffin has tried damned hard to gain more widespread political appeal by convincing everyone that the BNP is not actually racist. However, policies of putting a stop to immigration, outlawing positive discrimination and offering voluntary repatriation to long-settled immigrants, as well as Jason Gwynne's undercover exposť The Secret Agent (which led to eight BNP members being arrested for various foul racist crimes) have not made Griffin's claims awfully convincing. This Christmas party gaffe then, could have been a golden opportunity to turn it all round. Instead of telling the press 'it was very, very embarrassing', Bob Garner should surely have claimed that it was a sign of the shape of things to come. He should have said that the black DJ had been hired deliberately to weed the dirty racists out of the party. It could have been superb PR. Surely if self-styled watermelon-eating appease-monkey Griffin had been present, that's exactly what would have happened.

But no. It was left to bumbling Bob Garner to tell the press the following: 'Everyone was a bit alarmed when the DJ turned up. A lot of people weren't happy - I wasn't, really - and one or two walked out.' Ah, how disappointing. So they are, after all, unashamedly racist. But wait. What's this? 'Traditionally [at the Christmas bash] someone stands and says what's happened in the year or in the elections. But it was a bit difficult to say we were even the BNP. We even had to be careful what we said when we did the raffle so we didn't offend this guy.' Oh. So they're not exactly 'unashamed' then. Rather, terribly terribly embarrassed about the whole thing. Weird though eh? One black fella turns up and their entire back-slapping bile-spitting black-slagging programme grinds to a complete halt. Whoever would have guessed it was so easy? That's obviously got to be the tactic at the next BNP rally: just send a couple of black blokes down with a box of records and they'll all disperse, mumbling into their vests about British chess.

Pussies. Next thing you know they'll be letting them join.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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