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Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide To... Extreme April Fools

Your shoelace is undone! Ner! Gotcha, you April twat! Yes, it's time for the annual hilarity which is April Fool's day. With this in mind, TFT tells you how to get the most out of this day of side-splitting pranksterism. Did we mention that your shoelace is undone, by the way?

5 April 2005

1) Wind up a mate using one of those hoax phone call services in which an 'irate father' goes ballistic, shouting 'You got my daughter pregnant!' Then discover your mate and his partner have been desperately trying to have a child for seven years, and you have just dealt him a moment of soaring elation swiftly followed by the most crushing blow of his life.

2) Don't bother putting a plastic fly in someone's food to make them recoil in horror. Just tell them a few all-too-real facts about modern food: all the BSE-infested meat they've eaten will probably cause their brain to perforate like a sponge; the chicken nuggets they've just eaten are probably made from some
vile paste of mechanically recovered meat and ground beaks and tendons; and a lifetime of junk food has done irreparable damage to their arteries, meaning they'll die before their own parents.

3) Much as Jackass invented the 'extreme' prank show, why try your own brand of 'extreme' April Fool jokery? Why not:

- Tell an ex-partner you're HIV positive

- Phone in a bomb warning to Heathrow Airport

- If you're a pupil at a rough South London school, stick a sign on someone's back saying 'Stab me!'

4) Remember that April Fool's jokes don't count after midday. So if your partner says to you 'It's over. I've been seeing someone else' at 5.00pm, don't burst out laughing then try and get your own back later in the evening with a strategically placed whoopee cushion.

5) Think twice before gormlessly relating an obviously made-up spoof story from the paper or TV to your co-workers, demonstrating that you actually are stupid enough to believe that London Zoo has just taken delivery of a breeding pair of Lirpa Loofs.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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