2001-2008
Home
Main
- About TFT
Friday Thing Archive
- Politics
- Media
- Culture and Society
- War On Terror
- People
- Places
- World
- Popped Clogs
- Music
- Books
- Film
- Etc
Help And Info
- Contact Details
- Advertising
- Jobs
- Privacy Policy
- XML Feed

Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide To... Extreme April Fools

Your shoelace is undone! Ner! Gotcha, you April twat! Yes, it's time for the annual hilarity which is April Fool's day. With this in mind, TFT tells you how to get the most out of this day of side-splitting pranksterism. Did we mention that your shoelace is undone, by the way?

5 April 2005

1) Wind up a mate using one of those hoax phone call services in which an 'irate father' goes ballistic, shouting 'You got my daughter pregnant!' Then discover your mate and his partner have been desperately trying to have a child for seven years, and you have just dealt him a moment of soaring elation swiftly followed by the most crushing blow of his life.

2) Don't bother putting a plastic fly in someone's food to make them recoil in horror. Just tell them a few all-too-real facts about modern food: all the BSE-infested meat they've eaten will probably cause their brain to perforate like a sponge; the chicken nuggets they've just eaten are probably made from some
vile paste of mechanically recovered meat and ground beaks and tendons; and a lifetime of junk food has done irreparable damage to their arteries, meaning they'll die before their own parents.

3) Much as Jackass invented the 'extreme' prank show, why try your own brand of 'extreme' April Fool jokery? Why not:

- Tell an ex-partner you're HIV positive

- Phone in a bomb warning to Heathrow Airport

- If you're a pupil at a rough South London school, stick a sign on someone's back saying 'Stab me!'


4) Remember that April Fool's jokes don't count after midday. So if your partner says to you 'It's over. I've been seeing someone else' at 5.00pm, don't burst out laughing then try and get your own back later in the evening with a strategically placed whoopee cushion.

5) Think twice before gormlessly relating an obviously made-up spoof story from the paper or TV to your co-workers, demonstrating that you actually are stupid enough to believe that London Zoo has just taken delivery of a breeding pair of Lirpa Loofs.



Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

Subscribe to The Friday Thing for free


 ABOUT THE FRIDAY THING
Bad words ahead The Friday Thing is a weekly email comment sheet. Casting a cynical eye over the week's events, it is rarely fair and never balanced.

A selection of articles from each week's issue appear online, but to enjoy the full Thing, delivered by email every Friday - as well as access to almost five years of back issues - you'll need to subscribe. It's absolutely free.

READERS WRITE
"Razor-sharp comment and gossip." - The Sunday Times

"Hilariously cynical..To describe it as 'irreverent' is to do the newsletter an injustice." - The Observer

"Sharp, intelligent, opinionated, uncompromising and very, very funny. Just like 'Private Eye' used to be." - Alec McKelland

"Wicked" - Channel 4

"Ace" - Time Out

"'We rise once again in advocacy of The Friday Thing. We realize that some of you may be unwilling to spend [your money] on plain-text comment, but you're only depriving yourself." - The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

"Subscribing to this at the beginning of the year was undoubtedly one of the better decisions I've made. Superlative, and utterly marvellous. I look forward to Fridays now, because I can't wait for the next issue. Fucking fucking brilliant." - Meish.org

"Featuring writers from The Observer, Smack The Pony and The 11 O'Clock Show... will continue to attract new subscribers sight unseen" - NeedToKnow

"The Friday Thing is so good it's stopping me from doing a bunk of a Friday afternoon." - Annie Blinkhorn (The Erotic Review)

"So now" - The Evening Standard

"Damn it, you rule. May you never, ever back down." - Paul Mayze

"Ace" - PopJustice

"Snarky" - Online Journalism Review

"Can you please stop making me laugh out loud... I'm supposed to be working, you know!" - Tamsin Tyrwhitt

"Your coverage of stuff as it spills is right on the money." - Mike Woods

"Popbitch with A-Levels." - Tim Footman

"In an inbox full of trite work-related nonsense, TFT shines from under its subject heading like the sun out of Angus Deayton's arse." - Nikki Hunt

"A first rate email. It's become an integral part of my week, and my life would be empty and meaningless without it (well, *more* empty and meaningless anyway)." - Mark Pugh

"Genius, absolute bit of class. And you can quote me on that." - Lee Neville

"If you're hipper than hell, this is what you read." - MarketingSherpa

"The most entertaining email I've had all week. Great tone." - Matthew Prior

"A massive and engrossing wit injection." - idiotica.co.uk

"I wouldn't know satire if it bit me on the arse. But I did like the Naomi Campbell joke." - Matt Kelly (The Mirror)

"Has had an understandably high profile among people who know about these things." - Guy Clapperton (Guardian Online)

"Satirical sideswipes at the burning issues of the day." - Radio 5 Live

"Puerile and worthless... Truly fabulous... Do read the whole thing." - Stephen Pollard

The Friday Thing 2001-2008 - All Rights Reserved