- About TFT
Friday Thing Archive
- Politics
- Media
- Culture and Society
- War On Terror
- People
- Places
- World
- Popped Clogs
- Music
- Books
- Film
- Etc
Help And Info
- Contact Details
- Advertising
- Jobs
- Privacy Policy
- XML Feed

Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide To The His And Hers Settings

BBC News online recently reported on a new trend: manufacturers are designing 'his and hers' settings into their goods: a toaster with two setting dials, double duvets with different thicknesses for each side of the bed, and, cleverly, a clock radio with two alarm settings so that you don't have to fumble about resetting the alarm if your partner gets up earlier than you. But what other things would benefit from 'his and hers' settings?

20 April 2005

1) Cinema screens that allow you to sit with your partner yet watch different films, so that while SHE'S laughing along to Two Weeks Notice, HE'S watching people's heads explode in a fountain of blood, brains and bone fragments in Black Hawk Down.

2) A shower with 'his and hers' settings:

- For her: actual cleanliness

- For him: just enough cleansing to stop you smelling like a wet dog on a hot day

3) Central heating with male and female settings. Set to 'hers', it maintains a steady, economical temperature. Set to 'his', it immediately whacks the temperature up to maximum and keeps it there, allowing you to leave the windows open and walk around in just your boxer shorts in December.

4) On your PC, personalised internet settings. When SHE logs on, the computer reminds her that there are probably better things to do than endlessly trawl hundreds of inane websites full of trivia, filth and rubbish. When HE logs on, the computer immediately directs him to autopsy pictures, inconsequential football supporters' web pages full of mindless 'debate' about Dwight Yorke's failings, and 'hilarious' smut, eg. a badly animated Olive Oyl giving Popeye a blow job.

5) A George Foreman 'lean, mean grilling machine' with two setting dials. Hers ranges from 'well done' to 'slightly more well done'. His ranges from 'barely cooked' to 'macho bloodbath'.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

Subscribe to The Friday Thing for free

Bad words ahead The Friday Thing is a weekly email comment sheet. Casting a cynical eye over the week's events, it is rarely fair and never balanced.

A selection of articles from each week's issue appear online, but to enjoy the full Thing, delivered by email every Friday - as well as access to almost five years of back issues - you'll need to subscribe. It's absolutely free.

"Razor-sharp comment and gossip." - The Sunday Times

"Hilariously cynical..To describe it as 'irreverent' is to do the newsletter an injustice." - The Observer

"Sharp, intelligent, opinionated, uncompromising and very, very funny. Just like 'Private Eye' used to be." - Alec McKelland

"Wicked" - Channel 4

"Ace" - Time Out

"'We rise once again in advocacy of The Friday Thing. We realize that some of you may be unwilling to spend [your money] on plain-text comment, but you're only depriving yourself." - The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

"Subscribing to this at the beginning of the year was undoubtedly one of the better decisions I've made. Superlative, and utterly marvellous. I look forward to Fridays now, because I can't wait for the next issue. Fucking fucking brilliant." - Meish.org

"Featuring writers from The Observer, Smack The Pony and The 11 O'Clock Show... will continue to attract new subscribers sight unseen" - NeedToKnow

"The Friday Thing is so good it's stopping me from doing a bunk of a Friday afternoon." - Annie Blinkhorn (The Erotic Review)

"So now" - The Evening Standard

"Damn it, you rule. May you never, ever back down." - Paul Mayze

"Ace" - PopJustice

"Snarky" - Online Journalism Review

"Can you please stop making me laugh out loud... I'm supposed to be working, you know!" - Tamsin Tyrwhitt

"Your coverage of stuff as it spills is right on the money." - Mike Woods

"Popbitch with A-Levels." - Tim Footman

"In an inbox full of trite work-related nonsense, TFT shines from under its subject heading like the sun out of Angus Deayton's arse." - Nikki Hunt

"A first rate email. It's become an integral part of my week, and my life would be empty and meaningless without it (well, *more* empty and meaningless anyway)." - Mark Pugh

"Genius, absolute bit of class. And you can quote me on that." - Lee Neville

"If you're hipper than hell, this is what you read." - MarketingSherpa

"The most entertaining email I've had all week. Great tone." - Matthew Prior

"A massive and engrossing wit injection." - idiotica.co.uk

"I wouldn't know satire if it bit me on the arse. But I did like the Naomi Campbell joke." - Matt Kelly (The Mirror)

"Has had an understandably high profile among people who know about these things." - Guy Clapperton (Guardian Online)

"Satirical sideswipes at the burning issues of the day." - Radio 5 Live

"Puerile and worthless... Truly fabulous... Do read the whole thing." - Stephen Pollard

The Friday Thing 2001-2008 - All Rights Reserved