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Home > Culture and Society

Mobile Phone Chicken: The latest from chav world

15 June 2005

If Darwin were writing Origin of the Species today, he might well have included a chapter on chavs.

The continued existence of the chav species appears to depend on high breeding rates. Like baby frogs, the chavs face many threats to their survival not experienced by other members of society: getting attacked/killed by other chavs in pointless street aggro, crashing a twocked Sierra Cosworth into a flyover, falling off buildings while attempting to burgle them whilst pissed, etc.

Thus it's important that chav numbers remain high to counter their high mortality rate, a strategy the chavs evidently tacitly accept, given the high rate of teenage pregnancy in the UK.

But this week yet another threat to the chavs was revealed: 'mobile phone chicken'. In Tyneside, young charvers have been playing chicken with trains, ie. loitering on railway lines and only jumping out of the way of trains at the last minute, and getting their idiot mates to video it on their phones.

The craze is thought to have been inspired by an American website that shows people playing mobile phone chicken, although given chavs' love of railways and the opportunities they offer in terms of vandalism, they may well have thought up the sport on their own.

Either way, arsing about on railway lines is extremely dangerous. As the police succinctly put it: 'Someone is going to die.' Well, yes. What's remarkable is that our cousins the chavs have managed to invent an utterly pointless activity to dispose of themselves like lemmings. (And, yes, we know the Disney film was staged.) It's almost as though they've decided to cull themselves, and in this spirit we thought it might be worth suggesting some other probably-fatal activities for them...

1) Mobile phone SAS chicken

Chavs video each other approaching off-duty SAS soldiers in pubs in Hereford with one of the following comments:

- I bet you've been bummed by Iraqis - and enjoyed it!

- SAS. Does that stand for Special Arse Service?

- Bob Nairac was a cunt.

2) Mobile phone flying chicken

Elegant in its simplicity, mobile phone flying simply involves chavs throwing themselves off tall buildings while their mates video them, laughing hysterically when they hit the ground.

3) Mobile phone substation watersports chicken

The problem with playing chicken with trains is that there's a possibility the chav will get out of the way in time, or not step on the live rail. This alternative is considerably more failsafe. Gangs of chavs should break into electricity substations, brimming with exposed 400kV power supplies and start throwing
buckets of water at each other.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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