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Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide To... What wristbands really mean

This week a survey of teenagers claimed that the dreaded Young People are using wristbands to demonstrate more than support for a charity - they're being used to denote sexual preference. The survey, which is almost certainly bollocks, said that a red wristband denotes sexual availability, purple means they're gay, and so on. But the question remains, what does wearing a wristband really say about you?

17 June 2005

1) Anti-bullying wristband. Anyone wearing an anti-bullying wristband immediately marks themselves out as a target for bullies, which suggests they subconsciously WANT to be bullied, perhaps for reasons to do with low self-esteem, self-loathing, masochism, etc. So give them a good slap. They want it really.

2) Make Poverty History Campaign wristband. Contrary to what its immediate meaning might appear to be (ie. 'I am opposed to poverty'), this wristband actually means 'I am a bit thick'. Do you seriously think everyone else is in FAVOUR of poverty?

3) Black 'Livewrong' wristband. This shows your opposition to meaningless fashion trends like the token wearing of wristbands. This is a subject you may wish to discuss with your identically-dressed, wannabe-anarcho-hippy mates.

4) Orange wristband representing Ukraine's 'orange revolution'. This says: 'I support the electoral triumph of opposition leader Viktor Yushchenko and the victory of the Ukrainian people over their country's corrupt leadership, which represents a landmark in the post-communist history of eastern Europe.' It also says: 'FOR CHRIST'S SAKE DON'T GET STUCK NEXT TO ME AT A DINNER PARTY.'

5) Apparently wearing one or more wristbands has its ownmeaning, for example pink and red denote a straight, sexually available female. It is also entirely likely that wearing a wristband indicates some personal concern about the issue, eg. wearing an Alzheimer's wristband because you've a relative who's suffered with the disease. All of which is bad news for anyone who wears a breast cancer wristband, an anti-AIDS wristband and an anti-testicular cancer wristband. You're a hypochondriac Thai ladyboy.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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