2001-2008
Home
Main
- About TFT
Friday Thing Archive
- Politics
- Media
- Culture and Society
- War On Terror
- People
- Places
- World
- Popped Clogs
- Music
- Books
- Film
- Etc
Help And Info
- Contact Details
- Advertising
- Jobs
- Privacy Policy
- XML Feed

Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide To... The speeches Churchill never made

This week saw the start of celebrations marking the 60th anniversary of the end of WW2 in Europe and Japan, including a frankly strange decision to project images of German troops onto Buckingham Palace, offering a tantalising glimpse of what might have been, if you're a Neo Nazi. But no WW2 celebration is complete without remembering our most inspirational of British leaders, Winston Churchill, whose rousing, beautifully crafted speeches helped inspire and unite a nation against overwhelming odds. However, this made us wonder about the draft speeches he rejected...

10 July 2005

This week saw the start of celebrations marking the 60th anniversary of the end of WW2 in Europe and Japan, including a frankly strange decision to project images of German troops onto Buckingham Palace, offering a tantalising glimpse of what might have been, if you're a Neo Nazi. But no WW2 celebration is complete without remembering our most inspirational of British leaders, Winston Churchill, whose rousing, beautifully crafted speeches helped inspire and unite a nation against overwhelming odds. However, this made us wonder about the draft speeches he rejected...

...

1) 'On balance of probability, our exhausted nation will be ground into the dirt under the heel of the Nazi jackboot. As we lay down our weapons, let me be the first to congratulate our new leader Mr Hitler on his success!'

2) 'This is not the beginning of the end. It is not even the end of the beginning. It's more like three-quarters of the way toward the end of the second third of the beginning, which is still some way from even the seventh eighth of the end of the beginning. If you're with me.'

3) 'We shall fight them on the beaches - with whatever puny, makeshift weapons come to hand: ice creams, plastic spades, dog turds. And make no mistake! We will lose!'

4) 'Ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck...'

5) 'They don't like it up 'em.'



Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

Subscribe to The Friday Thing for free


 ABOUT THE FRIDAY THING
Bad words ahead The Friday Thing is a weekly email comment sheet. Casting a cynical eye over the week's events, it is rarely fair and never balanced.

A selection of articles from each week's issue appear online, but to enjoy the full Thing, delivered by email every Friday - as well as access to almost five years of back issues - you'll need to subscribe. It's absolutely free.

READERS WRITE
"Razor-sharp comment and gossip." - The Sunday Times

"Hilariously cynical..To describe it as 'irreverent' is to do the newsletter an injustice." - The Observer

"Sharp, intelligent, opinionated, uncompromising and very, very funny. Just like 'Private Eye' used to be." - Alec McKelland

"Wicked" - Channel 4

"Ace" - Time Out

"'We rise once again in advocacy of The Friday Thing. We realize that some of you may be unwilling to spend [your money] on plain-text comment, but you're only depriving yourself." - The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

"Subscribing to this at the beginning of the year was undoubtedly one of the better decisions I've made. Superlative, and utterly marvellous. I look forward to Fridays now, because I can't wait for the next issue. Fucking fucking brilliant." - Meish.org

"Featuring writers from The Observer, Smack The Pony and The 11 O'Clock Show... will continue to attract new subscribers sight unseen" - NeedToKnow

"The Friday Thing is so good it's stopping me from doing a bunk of a Friday afternoon." - Annie Blinkhorn (The Erotic Review)

"So now" - The Evening Standard

"Damn it, you rule. May you never, ever back down." - Paul Mayze

"Ace" - PopJustice

"Snarky" - Online Journalism Review

"Can you please stop making me laugh out loud... I'm supposed to be working, you know!" - Tamsin Tyrwhitt

"Your coverage of stuff as it spills is right on the money." - Mike Woods

"Popbitch with A-Levels." - Tim Footman

"In an inbox full of trite work-related nonsense, TFT shines from under its subject heading like the sun out of Angus Deayton's arse." - Nikki Hunt

"A first rate email. It's become an integral part of my week, and my life would be empty and meaningless without it (well, *more* empty and meaningless anyway)." - Mark Pugh

"Genius, absolute bit of class. And you can quote me on that." - Lee Neville

"If you're hipper than hell, this is what you read." - MarketingSherpa

"The most entertaining email I've had all week. Great tone." - Matthew Prior

"A massive and engrossing wit injection." - idiotica.co.uk

"I wouldn't know satire if it bit me on the arse. But I did like the Naomi Campbell joke." - Matt Kelly (The Mirror)

"Has had an understandably high profile among people who know about these things." - Guy Clapperton (Guardian Online)

"Satirical sideswipes at the burning issues of the day." - Radio 5 Live

"Puerile and worthless... Truly fabulous... Do read the whole thing." - Stephen Pollard

The Friday Thing 2001-2008 - All Rights Reserved