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Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide To... Home Testing Kits

This week we learned that the over-60s will be able to get free home testing kits for bowel cancer from the government. For once this sounds like terrific idea (although discovering you've got cancer won't be a 'bowel' of laughs, obviously). As a result, TFT wondered what other tests we could carry out on ourselves...

5 August 2005

1) Find out if you're good in bed by connecting your partner to a lie detector during sex.

2) If you're not white, discover whether you're guilty of terrorism or not by buying a copy of The Sun and checking whether a grainy photo of yourself accompanies the headline 'WE GOT THE BASTARDS!'

3) Alternatively, find out if you're an Islamic extremist by watching Bar Mitzvah Boy and taking note of whether you scream 'WE MUST DRIVE THE JEWS INTO THE SEA!'

4) Find out if you have Dr Dolittle-style abilities to talk with the animals by climbing into the lion pen in London Zoo.

5) Find out if you're a racist by recalling if you've ever begun a conversation with the words 'I'm not racist, I just believe in rights for whites...'



Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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