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Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide To... Convenience products

Scientists have developed the kiwi berry, a bite-sized kiwi fruit with hairless, edible skin that can be 'eaten on the run'. And about fucking time too. There's quite literally nothing worse than having to sit down to eat a kiwi fruit. But what other things should the boffins redesign for our convenience?

20 August 2005

1) Puppies that spontaneously drop dead a week after Christmas.

2) Toast. In the fast-paced world of the 21st Century, we just don't have time to stick on a couple of slices of toast and waste yet more valuable time waiting for them to pop up. Fortunately US army scientists have developed a 'toast rapid delivery system' based on battlefield morphine injections: a disposable syringe of concentrated toast extract that can be injected directly into the bloodstream.

3) Sex. Why anyone would want to waste their valuable time having sex is beyond us. Fortunately scientists are developing fast-acting drugs that cause near-instantaneous premature ejaculation. A must for all busy couples!

4) WeightWatchers diet milkshakes. Redesigned to turn into a bottle of white wine and a Domino's pizza when you realise your diet isn't going to start today.

5) Baths and showers. Scientists from Dolphin Showers have been working with German riot police to develop the ultimate in quick cleansing technology: the soap and water cannon.



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