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Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide To... The Edinburgh Festival Fringe

Crap plays, bad comedians, getting your head kicked in by neds - yes, it's the Edinburgh Fringe Festival! But leaving aside the cultural joys of a city where you can buy deep fried Mars bars and effeminate-looking dolls of the Black Watch in plastic tubes, what theatrical treats can you expect at this year's Fringe?

20 August 2005

1) A really stupid student production of something good, eg. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? using sock puppets. Having seen this glib piece of shite, it will then be impossible to see the play or the film again without thinking of those smirking 19-year-old Bristol University twats and their fucking sock puppets.

2) A horrifically pretentious 'fusion' of drama, dance and poetry, probably including lines like:

'The WORDS come out,
But what do they MEAN?
Mean, bean, spleen, glean.
Treen, green, wean, teen.
Dean, preen, seen, keen.
Sheen, lean, jean, queen.

(Cue half a dozen lousy dancers jumping around shrieking. In combat gear.)

3) At least one monologue based on the writer/performer's monomaniacal fixation with their own sexuality, eg. 'Being a lesbian in Congleton wasn't easy. But then I got my chance to escape, to escape far away from this tiny little town
with its tiny little minds! Yes! My UKAS results came through! My heart danced! I'd been offered a place at Keele University! At LesSoc I met Katriona and immediately fell madly in love! She was so sophisticated, so worldly wise, coming as she did from Plymouth...'

4) A weird, pointless and tasteless interpretation of Shakespeare, eg. A Midsummer Night's Dream set in Auschwitz-Birkenau.

5) Very bad stand-up comedy, often involving far too many intimate details of the comic's private life, eg. 'Have you ever noticed, right, when you're having anal sex with your girlfriend, she starts crying and going 'That really hurts'?
Have you ever noticed that? 'Cos I was having anal sex with my girlfriend, Emma, she's in the audience tonight actually - that's her there! Everyone say 'Hi!' to Emma! Anyway, I was having analsex with Emma and...'

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