- About TFT
Friday Thing Archive
- Politics
- Media
- Culture and Society
- War On Terror
- People
- Places
- World
- Popped Clogs
- Music
- Books
- Film
- Etc
Help And Info
- Contact Details
- Advertising
- Jobs
- Privacy Policy
- XML Feed

Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide To... Shagging Your Workmates

2 September 2005

It was recently claimed that the affair between England manager Sven Goran Eriksson and Faria Alam, a secretary at the Football Association, had continued even after they’d been found out. But if you’re going to dip your nib in the company inkwell, how should you go about it? TFT makes some suggestions…


1) Recreate Moonlighting-style sexual frisson by only working at companies where everyone looks like Bruce Willis or Cybill Shepherd.

2) Remember it’s an unwritten law of office romances to start a relationship with the work colleague that will cause you the most personal grief in the future. Faced with the choice between:

- The easy-going, single woman you have a laugh with at the water cooler, OR:
- A married woman 11 years older than you with four kids, a drink problem and a husband who’s in the Royal Marine commandos

…it must always be the latter.

3) If you’re going to sleep with the boss, make sure they are genuinely successful, eg. an international corporate trouble-shooter, thus ensuring exotic foreign trips, high class hotels, trips to the finest restaurants and expensive gifts. If they’re just a lowly office cleaning products sales rep, the best you’re looking at is a sandwich in a Holiday Inn Express in Rotherham listening to a drunken Scottish navvie fucking a prostitute in the next room.

4) Remember that sleeping with one of your superiors can get complicated. If you’re Junior Deputy Assistant Regional Marketing Executive (UK) and you’re sleeping with a the Senior Project Coordination Under-manager (South East), how the hell can you tell which one of you is the boss?

5) Think twice before ‘sleeping your way to the top’. Is it really worth sleeping with a spotty bloater of indeterminate sex to get your third Macdonald’s star?

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

Subscribe to The Friday Thing for free

Bad words ahead The Friday Thing is a weekly email comment sheet. Casting a cynical eye over the week's events, it is rarely fair and never balanced.

A selection of articles from each week's issue appear online, but to enjoy the full Thing, delivered by email every Friday - as well as access to almost five years of back issues - you'll need to subscribe. It's absolutely free.

"Razor-sharp comment and gossip." - The Sunday Times

"Hilariously cynical..To describe it as 'irreverent' is to do the newsletter an injustice." - The Observer

"Sharp, intelligent, opinionated, uncompromising and very, very funny. Just like 'Private Eye' used to be." - Alec McKelland

"Wicked" - Channel 4

"Ace" - Time Out

"'We rise once again in advocacy of The Friday Thing. We realize that some of you may be unwilling to spend [your money] on plain-text comment, but you're only depriving yourself." - The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

"Subscribing to this at the beginning of the year was undoubtedly one of the better decisions I've made. Superlative, and utterly marvellous. I look forward to Fridays now, because I can't wait for the next issue. Fucking fucking brilliant." - Meish.org

"Featuring writers from The Observer, Smack The Pony and The 11 O'Clock Show... will continue to attract new subscribers sight unseen" - NeedToKnow

"The Friday Thing is so good it's stopping me from doing a bunk of a Friday afternoon." - Annie Blinkhorn (The Erotic Review)

"So now" - The Evening Standard

"Damn it, you rule. May you never, ever back down." - Paul Mayze

"Ace" - PopJustice

"Snarky" - Online Journalism Review

"Can you please stop making me laugh out loud... I'm supposed to be working, you know!" - Tamsin Tyrwhitt

"Your coverage of stuff as it spills is right on the money." - Mike Woods

"Popbitch with A-Levels." - Tim Footman

"In an inbox full of trite work-related nonsense, TFT shines from under its subject heading like the sun out of Angus Deayton's arse." - Nikki Hunt

"A first rate email. It's become an integral part of my week, and my life would be empty and meaningless without it (well, *more* empty and meaningless anyway)." - Mark Pugh

"Genius, absolute bit of class. And you can quote me on that." - Lee Neville

"If you're hipper than hell, this is what you read." - MarketingSherpa

"The most entertaining email I've had all week. Great tone." - Matthew Prior

"A massive and engrossing wit injection." - idiotica.co.uk

"I wouldn't know satire if it bit me on the arse. But I did like the Naomi Campbell joke." - Matt Kelly (The Mirror)

"Has had an understandably high profile among people who know about these things." - Guy Clapperton (Guardian Online)

"Satirical sideswipes at the burning issues of the day." - Radio 5 Live

"Puerile and worthless... Truly fabulous... Do read the whole thing." - Stephen Pollard

© The Friday Thing 2001-2008 - All Rights Reserved