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Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide To... Leaving a Beautiful Corpse

23 September 2005

This week the Guardian revealed, with no little nausea, that a rather ghoulishly pragmatic Chinese cosmetics company is using skin harvested from the corpses of convicts and aborted foetuses in the development of beauty products sold in Europe. After rinsing down the floor, wiping our mouths and calming our hysterical mothers, we read on. The epidermis of executed prisoners is used to develop collagen for lip and wrinkle treatments, a practice which is really no big deal in China. Well, waste not, want not. An agent for the company shrugged, 'In China it is considered very normal and I was very shocked that western countries can make such a big fuss about this.'

Aside from the risk of infection through a lack of proper regulatory controls, the only possible downside is that women may be kept awake at night with hideous flashes of just what their bilberry and aloe face mask did to be arrested and shot. Still, serves them right for being so shallow and vain and age-fixated in such a crushingly youth-obsessed society. Ha!

So, with another taboo reduced to tattered Oriental flesh-shreds in such cavalier fashion, what other queasy advances in consumer durables can we expect to be made?

...


1) Coca-Cola announces that it's going 'back to its roots' and adding real premium cocaine to its fizzy pop. The advertising industry collapses as 70% of its workforce is pushed over the edge and has to go to rehab, and schoolchildren start to tell their teachers that their homework is 'fucking genius, mate, look at that'.


2) Nike introduces a new 'sweatshop range' of training shoes and sportswear, guaranteed to be stitched and packaged 'by semi-skilled twelve-year-old craftsboys'. 'We feel that the Sweats range epitomises the Nike value that if it's worth winning, it's worth sweating for,' says a spokesman, who is subsequently forced to leave the press conference under a barrage of bottles of Lucozade.


3) With the cosmetics industry reeling from the China revelations, L'Oreal considers today a good day to slip out the news that while they stopped testing on animals some years ago, they have in fact been harvesting rabbits' eyes and mice spleens to bulk out their pots of 'BS41 Complex 15-Hour Cheek-Plumping Crème'.


4) The Soil Association finally feel able to launch a new information campaign, explaining that decomposing human flesh is the perfect fertilizer for organic vegetables. The environmentally-conscious are discovering lurking in cemeteries
by the dozen.


5) Apple launches the all-new iPod, powered solely by the screams of damned souls being rhythmically sodomised by Beelzebub.



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