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Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide to... Books by Fictional Characters

12 May 2006

This week we discovered that 'The Da Vinci Code' has been replaced on the Amazon bestseller list by 'Bad Twin', a spin-off from the series Lost which is supposedly written by the character Gary Troup, who 'died' in the crash of Oceanic flight 815. It's rubbish, apparently, but it did make us wonder: what books by fictional characters would we like to see?


1) 'Indiana Jones and the Actual Archaeological Research'. Indiana Jones gives a sober account of how archaeology isn't all being chased by Nazis in pursuit of the Ark of the Covenant, and relates in painstaking detail his four-year quest to get a paper published in The British Journal of Archaeology about a shard of pottery that suggests the Anglo Saxons used a slightly different type of earthenware kiln than was previously thought.

2) 'After 24 - One Day at a Time'. After a nightmarish 24 hours of surviving on adrenalin and instinct whilst under almost unbearable physical and emotional pressure, agent Jack Bauer recounts his inevitable total nervous breakdown the next day. Fans of the series will be fascinated by Jack's account of the subsequent six months of counselling and group therapy, and his first tentative attempts to leave his room in the sanitorium without hyperventilating.

3) 'Look Back in Hush Puppies'. 50 years after the first performance of 'Look Back in Anger', Jimmy Porter is back, but by now he's a retired engineer living in New Malden. The original angry young man is still angry though - only this time it's about anything he reads in the Daily Mail: immigrants, political correctness and women with jobs.

4) 'Will Without Grace'. At last we find out what Will does when he's not swapping polished wisecracks in the wacky duo's New York penthouse, i.e. hanging out in hardcore gay sex clubs. 'Will Without Grace' is a disturbing, graphic account of Will's experiences in the darker side of gay subculture, featuring fisting, rimming, group watersports and the fabled Albino Dragon.

5) 'Heathcliff: The Missing Years'. In 'Wuthering Heights', Heathcliffe disappears for several years before returning to reclaim his true love Cathy, only to discover she's been bagged by the 'milksop' (Victorian for 'twat') Linton. At last readers find out *exactly* what he was doing in the missing years: a succession of shit temp jobs for Blue Arrow.

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