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Home > Culture and Society

WAWIBF... Dave West

26 May 2006

What is it about us British that makes us love to see people fall flat on their arses? Meanness? Bitterness? Or just the really rather fortunate ability to conjure sackfuls of freude and precious little schaden from the suffering of others? Whatever it is, we were given a fine opportunity this week when Posh and Becks' half-a-million-quid showbiz megabash showed its shiny arse in the rain and, like every other event this week, suffered the scourge of David Cameron. Actually, we won't list the reasons it is said to have failed, because we can't be bothered, but we will briefly rejoice in the story of 61-year-old Dave West, titty-bar king and cheap fags-and-beer baron, who paid 103,000 for a pair of tickets on eBay. Some reports claim that West planned to take a 27-year-old lap-dancing lovely along with him, whereas others claim he was going to surprise an 80-year-old friend. In any event, he was made to feel so horribly unwelcome by Posh, Becks and their people that he decided not to go. For him, it was clearly a class thing, an ironic class thing, with chips-cheap pseudo-Posh turning her truffle-hunting snout up at West's low-rent tawdry tit-money. A spokesman for the Beckhams suggested however, that Dave West was talking bollocks, as is the wont of 'his sort'. Overall the entire incident left a sour taste in an already uproariously sour mouth, so well done, Dave West. You bring us joy. Meanwhile, well done also to Posh and Becks for their sterling charity work and many hats off to David Cameron. Never has a man so green, and so blue, had such an astonishingly brown nose.

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