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Home > Culture and Society

WAWIBF... Charles Lennon

2 July 2006

68-year-old Rhode Islander Charles Lennon used to be impotent. Unfortunately this was ten years ago, a couple of years before the advent of the cock pill. So what Charles did to put a stop to his midlife phallicrisis was to have an operation. Specifically, a penile implant. This is basically a steel and plastic device inserted into the penis - essentially a bionic nob. The implant was designed to allow Lennon to position his penis in an upright position, when he was ready for pleasure, but to point it downwards when he was going about his ordinary non-sexual business. Unfortunately, the damn thing wouldn't go down. So, basically, for the last ten years, this poor old man has had a raging hard-on that never ever goes away. Not even while he's bathing his grandchildren. The good news however, is that this week Lennon was awarded $400,000 by the company, now bankrupt, who cursed him with his eternal boner. The bad news is that no matter how much money he has, 'other health problems' prevent him from having the device removed. Still, he's a dead cert for Gold at the Olympic pole-vaulting event. Eh? Eh? Pole-vaulting. Geddit? Because of his permanently erect cock, you see, which this 68-year-old man with no pole-vaulting experience would cleverly substitute for a thirteen-foot pole and somehow better the world's greatest athletes, who have a lifetime of training
under their belts and are all using the proper equipment. Hmm. It doesn't really work, does it? In fact, as a potential witty tag for a short piece on a quirky news item, it fails on an infinite number of levels. Yet still Jon Gaunt chose it to end a piece sensitively entitled 'Pensioner up for it'. What a shit. Anyway, fuck Jon Gaunt, and pity poor Charles Lennon. Still, at least he'll never be short somewhere to hang his hat. Eh?

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