- About TFT
Friday Thing Archive
- Politics
- Media
- Culture and Society
- War On Terror
- People
- Places
- World
- Popped Clogs
- Music
- Books
- Film
- Etc
Help And Info
- Contact Details
- Advertising
- Jobs
- Privacy Policy
- XML Feed

Home > Culture and Society

WAWIBF... Posh Kids

22 July 2006

They may have nannies, trust funds, skiing holidays, private schooling and ponies, but this week a very definite downside to life as a posh kid was revealed. Turns out they're like magnets for cancer. On the front page of The Daily Mail a survey carried out by the Committee on Medical Aspects of Radiation in the Environment (COMARE) revealed that, although there is no proof of a link between nuclear power plants and cancer, there is a very definite connection between personal wealth and cancer. Essentially, not only is money intrinsically tied up with evil, completely useless when it comes to the purchasing of love and guaranteed to stop you getting into the Kingdom of Heaven, it also gives you cancer. Or at least it gives your kids cancer. Which you may, or may not in your darkest moments, consider worse.

COMARE's survey of 32,000 children with cancer between 1969 and 1993 found that the cancer occurred in 'clusters' according to affluence and isolation. But they don't really know why. The most popular theory seems to be that because the kids of wealthy parents spend more of their lives cosseted in a sterile cotton wool world while the rest of us roll around in our own faeces all day, they are less likely to build up an immunity to disease. Similarly, posh kids live in large posh houses and rarely mix with anyone other than siblings, nannies and posh imaginary friends, whereas the rest of us are brought up in houses that are more like refugee camps. Same result. We're fighting cholera from the word go, whereas the posh kids are never allowed to even catch a cold, making them prime targets for cancer in later life.

Well, we're not scientists, but it sounds like utter bollocks to us. Just in case it isn't however, we recommend that all our posh readers take their kids to the McDonald's in Peckham this weekend and push their spoilt little heads down the loo. They'll thank you for it one day.

COMARE's track record.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

Subscribe to The Friday Thing for free

Bad words ahead The Friday Thing is a weekly email comment sheet. Casting a cynical eye over the week's events, it is rarely fair and never balanced.

A selection of articles from each week's issue appear online, but to enjoy the full Thing, delivered by email every Friday - as well as access to almost five years of back issues - you'll need to subscribe. It's absolutely free.

"Razor-sharp comment and gossip." - The Sunday Times

"Hilariously cynical..To describe it as 'irreverent' is to do the newsletter an injustice." - The Observer

"Sharp, intelligent, opinionated, uncompromising and very, very funny. Just like 'Private Eye' used to be." - Alec McKelland

"Wicked" - Channel 4

"Ace" - Time Out

"'We rise once again in advocacy of The Friday Thing. We realize that some of you may be unwilling to spend [your money] on plain-text comment, but you're only depriving yourself." - The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

"Subscribing to this at the beginning of the year was undoubtedly one of the better decisions I've made. Superlative, and utterly marvellous. I look forward to Fridays now, because I can't wait for the next issue. Fucking fucking brilliant." - Meish.org

"Featuring writers from The Observer, Smack The Pony and The 11 O'Clock Show... will continue to attract new subscribers sight unseen" - NeedToKnow

"The Friday Thing is so good it's stopping me from doing a bunk of a Friday afternoon." - Annie Blinkhorn (The Erotic Review)

"So now" - The Evening Standard

"Damn it, you rule. May you never, ever back down." - Paul Mayze

"Ace" - PopJustice

"Snarky" - Online Journalism Review

"Can you please stop making me laugh out loud... I'm supposed to be working, you know!" - Tamsin Tyrwhitt

"Your coverage of stuff as it spills is right on the money." - Mike Woods

"Popbitch with A-Levels." - Tim Footman

"In an inbox full of trite work-related nonsense, TFT shines from under its subject heading like the sun out of Angus Deayton's arse." - Nikki Hunt

"A first rate email. It's become an integral part of my week, and my life would be empty and meaningless without it (well, *more* empty and meaningless anyway)." - Mark Pugh

"Genius, absolute bit of class. And you can quote me on that." - Lee Neville

"If you're hipper than hell, this is what you read." - MarketingSherpa

"The most entertaining email I've had all week. Great tone." - Matthew Prior

"A massive and engrossing wit injection." - idiotica.co.uk

"I wouldn't know satire if it bit me on the arse. But I did like the Naomi Campbell joke." - Matt Kelly (The Mirror)

"Has had an understandably high profile among people who know about these things." - Guy Clapperton (Guardian Online)

"Satirical sideswipes at the burning issues of the day." - Radio 5 Live

"Puerile and worthless... Truly fabulous... Do read the whole thing." - Stephen Pollard

The Friday Thing 2001-2008 - All Rights Reserved