- About TFT
Friday Thing Archive
- Politics
- Media
- Culture and Society
- War On Terror
- People
- Places
- World
- Popped Clogs
- Music
- Books
- Film
- Etc
Help And Info
- Contact Details
- Advertising
- Jobs
- Privacy Policy
- XML Feed

Home > Culture and Society

WAWIBF... Mayhem

18 August 2006

On Wednesday the new paranoia seemed to reach saturation point as 59-year-old Catherine Mayo, a blithering claustrophobe on a United Airlines flight was wrestled to the floor of the plane and tied up with duct tape after suspicions that she had about her person a screwdriver, a box of matches, umpteen cigarette lighters, a jar of Vaseline and a handwritten note from Osama bin Laden himself. Jinkers. 'Snakes on a Plane'? Bollocks to that. 'Catherine Mayo on a Plane'. That's the disaster movie we want to see.

How much of this original telling of the tale is true is still very much unknown, but it seems quite likely the majority of it was just people panicking and making shit up. The note from al Qaeda for example - if that turns out to be true, we will quite happily eat Abu Hamza's hat. So cast iron facts are few and far between, but rumours and aimless speculation are thankfully rife. For example, it is further rumoured that what actually happened is that this poor old dear had something of a panic attack, started banging on an emergency exit, made oblique references to al Qaeda, then sat down in the aisle and urinated.

Other reports maintain that, despite outfoxing highly trained security staff and making it through the most stringent security checks in the history of Heathrow Airport with a whole swathe of banned items, Mayo actually has severe mental health issues, was 'just barely lucid' on the flight and could end up in prison for 20 years on a charge of 'interfering with a flight crew'. And humiliating the BAA.

But it'll be at least another week before we have a consistent version of events, before we're able to sort the wheat of what was from the chaotic chaff of what might have been. All we really know for certain at this stage is that this is exactly the wrong kind of environment in which to call Heathrow Airport claiming that a bag of radioactive terrapins has been upended in Terminal 3. So don't do it. Else the terrorists really have won.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

Subscribe to The Friday Thing for free

Bad words ahead The Friday Thing is a weekly email comment sheet. Casting a cynical eye over the week's events, it is rarely fair and never balanced.

A selection of articles from each week's issue appear online, but to enjoy the full Thing, delivered by email every Friday - as well as access to almost five years of back issues - you'll need to subscribe. It's absolutely free.

"Razor-sharp comment and gossip." - The Sunday Times

"Hilariously cynical..To describe it as 'irreverent' is to do the newsletter an injustice." - The Observer

"Sharp, intelligent, opinionated, uncompromising and very, very funny. Just like 'Private Eye' used to be." - Alec McKelland

"Wicked" - Channel 4

"Ace" - Time Out

"'We rise once again in advocacy of The Friday Thing. We realize that some of you may be unwilling to spend [your money] on plain-text comment, but you're only depriving yourself." - The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

"Subscribing to this at the beginning of the year was undoubtedly one of the better decisions I've made. Superlative, and utterly marvellous. I look forward to Fridays now, because I can't wait for the next issue. Fucking fucking brilliant." - Meish.org

"Featuring writers from The Observer, Smack The Pony and The 11 O'Clock Show... will continue to attract new subscribers sight unseen" - NeedToKnow

"The Friday Thing is so good it's stopping me from doing a bunk of a Friday afternoon." - Annie Blinkhorn (The Erotic Review)

"So now" - The Evening Standard

"Damn it, you rule. May you never, ever back down." - Paul Mayze

"Ace" - PopJustice

"Snarky" - Online Journalism Review

"Can you please stop making me laugh out loud... I'm supposed to be working, you know!" - Tamsin Tyrwhitt

"Your coverage of stuff as it spills is right on the money." - Mike Woods

"Popbitch with A-Levels." - Tim Footman

"In an inbox full of trite work-related nonsense, TFT shines from under its subject heading like the sun out of Angus Deayton's arse." - Nikki Hunt

"A first rate email. It's become an integral part of my week, and my life would be empty and meaningless without it (well, *more* empty and meaningless anyway)." - Mark Pugh

"Genius, absolute bit of class. And you can quote me on that." - Lee Neville

"If you're hipper than hell, this is what you read." - MarketingSherpa

"The most entertaining email I've had all week. Great tone." - Matthew Prior

"A massive and engrossing wit injection." - idiotica.co.uk

"I wouldn't know satire if it bit me on the arse. But I did like the Naomi Campbell joke." - Matt Kelly (The Mirror)

"Has had an understandably high profile among people who know about these things." - Guy Clapperton (Guardian Online)

"Satirical sideswipes at the burning issues of the day." - Radio 5 Live

"Puerile and worthless... Truly fabulous... Do read the whole thing." - Stephen Pollard

The Friday Thing 2001-2008 - All Rights Reserved