- About TFT
Friday Thing Archive
- Politics
- Media
- Culture and Society
- War On Terror
- People
- Places
- World
- Popped Clogs
- Music
- Books
- Film
- Etc
Help And Info
- Contact Details
- Advertising
- Jobs
- Privacy Policy
- XML Feed

Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide to... Children's Classics Updated

6 October 2006

This week an authorised sequel to the children's classic 'Peter Pan' was published. The story is set 20 years after the original, and Wendy has now got children of her own, while the Lost Boys have grown up. The book may be new, but, it's actually an idea that was explored by JM Barrie in the original novel, which includes a scene where Peter returns to Wendy's house, not realizing that she is now married with a daughter, and breaks down in tears. (It's a scene which many adaptations have strangely decided to omit, probably because it's so distressing that it would have Nicholas Van Hoogstraten blubbing like a child.) But the new Peter Pan book got us thinking: what's happened to the other beloved children's characters of our youth?


1) The Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar is found dead on the toilet after a massive heart attack. An autopsy reveals 14 different types of drugs in his bloodstream and 16 deep-fried books in his upper colon.

2) The Famous Five turn out to be archetypal middle-class fuck-ups: George is found to be living with a crack dealer in Stockwell, Dick is serving three years in Belmarsh for handling stolen credit cards, Julian is currently in rehab for heroin addiction and Anne is unhappily married to a Tory MP who is desperately trying to conceal his homosexuality. Timmy, meanwhile, has been put down after savaging a child.

3) Charlie, of 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' fame, is found to be bankrupt and living in a hostel after Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory went into receivership thanks to Charlie's total lack of board-level management experience.

4) The Railway Children's Bobbie finds it difficult to make the transition into adulthood, embarking on a series of abusive and/or doomed relationships with unsuitable men, including an American werewolf. In London.

5) Noddy and Big Ears appear in court charged with incitement to racial hatred after handing out inflammatory literature about golliwogs at a football match.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

Subscribe to The Friday Thing for free

Bad words ahead The Friday Thing is a weekly email comment sheet. Casting a cynical eye over the week's events, it is rarely fair and never balanced.

A selection of articles from each week's issue appear online, but to enjoy the full Thing, delivered by email every Friday - as well as access to almost five years of back issues - you'll need to subscribe. It's absolutely free.

"Razor-sharp comment and gossip." - The Sunday Times

"Hilariously cynical..To describe it as 'irreverent' is to do the newsletter an injustice." - The Observer

"Sharp, intelligent, opinionated, uncompromising and very, very funny. Just like 'Private Eye' used to be." - Alec McKelland

"Wicked" - Channel 4

"Ace" - Time Out

"'We rise once again in advocacy of The Friday Thing. We realize that some of you may be unwilling to spend [your money] on plain-text comment, but you're only depriving yourself." - The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

"Subscribing to this at the beginning of the year was undoubtedly one of the better decisions I've made. Superlative, and utterly marvellous. I look forward to Fridays now, because I can't wait for the next issue. Fucking fucking brilliant." - Meish.org

"Featuring writers from The Observer, Smack The Pony and The 11 O'Clock Show... will continue to attract new subscribers sight unseen" - NeedToKnow

"The Friday Thing is so good it's stopping me from doing a bunk of a Friday afternoon." - Annie Blinkhorn (The Erotic Review)

"So now" - The Evening Standard

"Damn it, you rule. May you never, ever back down." - Paul Mayze

"Ace" - PopJustice

"Snarky" - Online Journalism Review

"Can you please stop making me laugh out loud... I'm supposed to be working, you know!" - Tamsin Tyrwhitt

"Your coverage of stuff as it spills is right on the money." - Mike Woods

"Popbitch with A-Levels." - Tim Footman

"In an inbox full of trite work-related nonsense, TFT shines from under its subject heading like the sun out of Angus Deayton's arse." - Nikki Hunt

"A first rate email. It's become an integral part of my week, and my life would be empty and meaningless without it (well, *more* empty and meaningless anyway)." - Mark Pugh

"Genius, absolute bit of class. And you can quote me on that." - Lee Neville

"If you're hipper than hell, this is what you read." - MarketingSherpa

"The most entertaining email I've had all week. Great tone." - Matthew Prior

"A massive and engrossing wit injection." - idiotica.co.uk

"I wouldn't know satire if it bit me on the arse. But I did like the Naomi Campbell joke." - Matt Kelly (The Mirror)

"Has had an understandably high profile among people who know about these things." - Guy Clapperton (Guardian Online)

"Satirical sideswipes at the burning issues of the day." - Radio 5 Live

"Puerile and worthless... Truly fabulous... Do read the whole thing." - Stephen Pollard

The Friday Thing 2001-2008 - All Rights Reserved