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Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide To... Being Terror Target Number One

20 October 2006

This week it was reported that the UK was 'number one' target for terrorism, with intelligence chiefs claiming that not only has Al Qaeda regrouped and become more powerful, but also that its attentions were focused on the UK. They went on to say that the 7 July bombings were 'just the beginning' of a terrorist campaign against the UK. So there's a cheery thought when you're getting the tube home tonight. But how should we respond to yet another terror warning? TFT advises...


1) Don't post witless messages on www.werenotafraid.com. If you do happen to be caught up in a terrorist attack it's entirely like that you will be very afraid indeed, and you will feel like a bit of an idiot afterwards.

2) Remember that changing your behaviour is just letting the terrorists win. On the other hand, most of us would like to avoid being dead. Avoid letting the terrorists win *and* stay alive by devising a personal routine that consists mostly of hiding under the kitchen table.

3) Avoid visiting tourist attractions that are obvious potential terrorist targets, e.g., the Houses of Parliament. This will not only prolong your lifespan by reducing the risk of being blown up, but also by stopping you developing an ulcer as a result of having to pick your way through herds of shrieking Spanish tourists who wait until you're walking right behind them before abruptly stopping dead to consult an A-Z, causing you to get a face-full of day-glo rucksack.

4) If you're travelling by tube and you see a suspicious-looking person carrying a bulging rucksack and looking agitated, do the very British thing of not actually confronting them or telling anyone, but just get off the train and catch the next one. Remember, it's better to leave hundreds of fellow passengers at risk of being killed than face a moment of potential embarrassment!

5) Take pride in the fact that just for once the UK is actually the best at something, even if it's just attracting the unwanted attention of homicidal maniacs.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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