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Home > Culture and Society

Nature: Entertaining In Tooth and Claw

27 October 2006

Here at TFT we try to offer comment and analysis in our articles, even if it's just reiterating the fact that Richard 'Cunt' Littlejohn is indeed a cunt. However, occasionally a news story comes along about that defies analysis or meaningful comment.

This week you may have seen the story 'Pelican eats pigeon', which was widely reported and which really is all you need to know. Except for where you can see the video, which is here.

The pigeon was doing its usual pigeon stuff in St James' Park, i.e. eating McDonald's wrappers and fag ends, when the pelican walked up and ate it, apparently reducing nearby children to tears. Or delight, more likely. It's a pretty unusual occurrence - a spokeswoman for the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds commented: 'All the expert books say pelicans live on a diet of fish. This is quite extraordinary.'

If the pelican had lived in a zoo there might be some sort of grounds for a debate about the ethics of keeping animals in captivity, causing them to behave abnormally, like those caged monkeys that wank like madmen. But the pelican wasn't in a zoo. The whole incident was probably just one of those odd glitches of nature like the snake that ate an alligator.

In its tiny bird brain, the pelican probably just thought, 'Maybe I can eat that smaller thing', then its gobbling reflex took over and bye bye pigeon.

However, it did delight us because for once nature seemed to be pandering to our desire for entertainment. A pelican eating a pigeon is a bit gruesome, but entertaining nonetheless. And all right-minded people usually feel a bit guilty about being entertained by nature: we know we should respect nature, and zoos are a bit cruel, and the cat circus raises 'issues' about how the cats are trained, and we shouldn't really laugh at penguins because they fall over a lot, etc., so it's refreshing to see nature happily entertaining us in a way that we don't have to feel guilty about.

Which got us thinking. If pelicans will eat pigeons for our ghoulish amusement, what other natural aberrations would we like to see? We decided:

- A golden eagle trying to carry off a hippopotamus.

- A polar bear fighting a chimp in the sea.

- A cat riding a Shetland pony. Wearing a cowboy hat.

- An ant fixing a vacuum cleaner.

- A dirty great gorilla using a squirrel as a wanking sock.

- An owl and a pussycat going to sea in a beautiful pea-green boat, then doing it doggy-style.

- A donkey falling in love with a goose.

Oh.

Silly fucking animals.



Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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