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Home > Culture and Society

Sign of the (End of) Times

3 November 2006

This week SUV-chomping, cigar-driving Californian governator Arnold Schwarzenegger stunned - well - everybody by announcing that he was focussing his next re-election campaign on environmental issues. Meanwhile, over on the East coast, draft-dodger George W. Bush was attacking decorated war veteran John Kerry for showing contempt for the American military.

And things weren't much better over here as David Cameron was accused of being talking soft by - of all people - the Liberal Democrats, after he suggested that 'hoodies' often involved themselves in crime having not received enough love from society.

Yep, the world has gone fucking ape-shit mental doolally. And there can only be one explanation... The end of the world is finally nigh. These are without doubt the early warning signs of the End of Days - and it's only going to get weirder. So what other madness can we expect in the coming weeks as proof that the world is hurtling ever faster towards Armageddon?


- The Liberal Democrats, aware that David Cameron is encroaching on their territory of undecided young voters, announce a major shift to the right. Menzies Campbell rebrands himself as 'Mingele the Angel of Death' as the party tables a motion to introduce the death penalty for motoring offences and send all Britons back to the country of their ancestors.

- At the climax of the next series of Pop Idol and Big Brother, Kate Thornton and Davina McCall stun viewers by urging them to turn off their mobile phones and to instead to concentrate their voting energies on local government elections.

- E4 decides to employ someone who doesn't think that the height of comedy genius is simply shouting amusing-sounding old-fashioned words completely out of context in the style of Kenneth Williams or Tom Baker. (Yes, we mean you Russell Brand and Mr E4 Continuity Announcer Twat.)

- The London Lite and Metro announces that henceforth they will only refer to people as 'Muslim car thief' or 'Muslim credit card fraudster' if their religion has any bearing whatsoever on the story.

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