2001-2008
Home
Main
- About TFT
Friday Thing Archive
- Politics
- Media
- Culture and Society
- War On Terror
- People
- Places
- World
- Popped Clogs
- Music
- Books
- Film
- Etc
Help And Info
- Contact Details
- Advertising
- Jobs
- Privacy Policy
- XML Feed

Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide To... Big Celebrity Racists

19 January 2007

Another triumph for Channel 4 this week as 'Celebrity Big Brother' became one of the most complained-about programmes in its history, guaranteeing massive ratings and pissing on Tony Harrison's 'V' in the controversy stakes. In the unlikely event that you missed the story, Jade Goody and other housemates were accused of racism after violent arguments with Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty. The ugly scenes and quasi-racist comments prompted TFT to offer some advice to those involved in the controversy...

....

1) If you're a minor celebrity, use 'Celebrity Big Brother' as an opportunity to win new fans. Do this by behaving like the sort of mental chav bird who glasses complete strangers in nightclubs after 25 Smirnoff Ices.

2) And you might want to appear even more likeable by screaming at an attractive, polite and articulate woman during an unfathomable argument about Oxo cubes.

3) If, like housemate Jo, you have a limited understanding of other cultures, do take the opportunity of meeting an Indian woman to ask questions about their country, e.g., 'Are Indian people thin because they don't cook food properly?' While you're at it, you might want to find out whether all black people are criminals, if 'Oriental' women have crooked vaginas, and whether all Jews have great big noses and run gangs of child pickpockets.

4) If you're in charge of a deliberately controversial and 'edgy' TV channel, justify broadcasting the racist rambles of a group of imbeciles by claiming you've exposed the latent racism of British society. Take this idea to its logical conclusion with an unedited, hour-long nightly show in which members of Combat 18 expound their racial theories and broadcast the home addresses and phone numbers of members of The Anti Nazi League.

5) And if you're a government minister, a humble MP or just an ordinary Indian citizen with a bit too much time on your hands, be sure to immediately overreact to some fuckwits on a reality TV show as though it's the Cuban Missile Crisis. Who knows, you might even get on TV!



Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

Subscribe to The Friday Thing for free


 ABOUT THE FRIDAY THING
Bad words ahead The Friday Thing is a weekly email comment sheet. Casting a cynical eye over the week's events, it is rarely fair and never balanced.

A selection of articles from each week's issue appear online, but to enjoy the full Thing, delivered by email every Friday - as well as access to almost five years of back issues - you'll need to subscribe. It's absolutely free.

READERS WRITE
"Razor-sharp comment and gossip." - The Sunday Times

"Hilariously cynical..To describe it as 'irreverent' is to do the newsletter an injustice." - The Observer

"Sharp, intelligent, opinionated, uncompromising and very, very funny. Just like 'Private Eye' used to be." - Alec McKelland

"Wicked" - Channel 4

"Ace" - Time Out

"'We rise once again in advocacy of The Friday Thing. We realize that some of you may be unwilling to spend [your money] on plain-text comment, but you're only depriving yourself." - The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

"Subscribing to this at the beginning of the year was undoubtedly one of the better decisions I've made. Superlative, and utterly marvellous. I look forward to Fridays now, because I can't wait for the next issue. Fucking fucking brilliant." - Meish.org

"Featuring writers from The Observer, Smack The Pony and The 11 O'Clock Show... will continue to attract new subscribers sight unseen" - NeedToKnow

"The Friday Thing is so good it's stopping me from doing a bunk of a Friday afternoon." - Annie Blinkhorn (The Erotic Review)

"So now" - The Evening Standard

"Damn it, you rule. May you never, ever back down." - Paul Mayze

"Ace" - PopJustice

"Snarky" - Online Journalism Review

"Can you please stop making me laugh out loud... I'm supposed to be working, you know!" - Tamsin Tyrwhitt

"Your coverage of stuff as it spills is right on the money." - Mike Woods

"Popbitch with A-Levels." - Tim Footman

"In an inbox full of trite work-related nonsense, TFT shines from under its subject heading like the sun out of Angus Deayton's arse." - Nikki Hunt

"A first rate email. It's become an integral part of my week, and my life would be empty and meaningless without it (well, *more* empty and meaningless anyway)." - Mark Pugh

"Genius, absolute bit of class. And you can quote me on that." - Lee Neville

"If you're hipper than hell, this is what you read." - MarketingSherpa

"The most entertaining email I've had all week. Great tone." - Matthew Prior

"A massive and engrossing wit injection." - idiotica.co.uk

"I wouldn't know satire if it bit me on the arse. But I did like the Naomi Campbell joke." - Matt Kelly (The Mirror)

"Has had an understandably high profile among people who know about these things." - Guy Clapperton (Guardian Online)

"Satirical sideswipes at the burning issues of the day." - Radio 5 Live

"Puerile and worthless... Truly fabulous... Do read the whole thing." - Stephen Pollard

The Friday Thing 2001-2008 - All Rights Reserved