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Home > Culture and Society

WAWIBF... Florida

11 February 2007

Picture the scene. You're driving along, your young niece is in the car with you. She's somewhere between four and eight, let's say. Suddenly, she turns to you, innocent eyes all wide and pleading and she says to you, 'Aunty, what's a vagina?' What do you do?

Well, if you're an ordinary human being, you might say something like, 'Vagina is another word for "toot-toot", darling. You know, your front bottom. Your twinkle. Your mooey. Your milly. Your baby-minge. Come on, get with the programme. What are you, a retard?'

However, if you're a repressed sex-fearing fuckwit, you might well blanch at the very presence of a private part in the mouth of a child. You might consider it wrong. You might wonder why your young niece is asking you such a vile, godless question. Well, this week the above scene actually took place. In Florida. Aaah, Florida. Perhaps the most repressed state in the entire Union. Sadly, the question was asked not of a normal healthy human being, but of a vile, shrieking prude.

What prompted the question was a local production of a popular play. 'The Vagina Monologues'. The little girl, looking out of the car window, noticed the theatre awning, read the name of the play and expressed her curiosity. Her natural, wonderful, life-affirming curiosity. In response, her aunt did what any pointless braindead fucking scum-sucking shit-headed arsehat would. She immediately phoned the theatre to complain.

In any other place, the theatre would have told her to stick her complaint in her cunt. In Florida, the name of the play was changed.

It's now called 'The Hoohaa Monologues'.

Florida. Fucking Florida. It's enough to make you just lie down in a hotel room and die.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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