2001-2008
Home
Main
- About TFT
Friday Thing Archive
- Politics
- Media
- Culture and Society
- War On Terror
- People
- Places
- World
- Popped Clogs
- Music
- Books
- Film
- Etc
Help And Info
- Contact Details
- Advertising
- Jobs
- Privacy Policy
- XML Feed

Home > Culture and Society

The TFT Guide to... The New Curriculum

11 February 2007

This week it was announced that the secondary school curriculum is being modernised. Changes will include updating and diversifying the English literature reading list, teaching practical 'life skills', and offering the chance to learn languages such as Mandarin and Arabic - presumably so that future generations will be able to say 'Where is the station?' and *nothing else* in fluent Arabic. But what will the new curriculum mean for pupils? TFT explains...

....

1) Teens obsessed with street culture are given the chance to learn an exciting new language: English As It's Meant To Be Spoken.

2) Questions are raised about whether the new English literature curriculum is trying too hard to be accessible when exams are found to include the following questions:

- Examine the use of imagery in 'Totally Frank: The Autobiography of Frank Lampard'.

- Explain the role of The Illuminati in suppressing knowledge of the true bloodline of Christ and secretly controlling world history, with reference to Dan Brown's 'The Da Vinci Code'.

- In 'Bravo Two Zero', Andy McNab says: 'I ditched my Bergen and reloaded the M203 with phosphor while Legs took the flank with the Minimi.' What does this tell us about Andy's feelings at this point?

3) In an effort to promote healthy eating, pupils are taught to cook for themselves, much like the Home Economics lessons of the 1970s and 80s. Unfortunately, after kids bring home a few meals consisting of flavourless cheese scones and revolting ham and egg salad, even the most health-conscious, middle-class parents start bundling their families into the Saab and rushing to McDonald's.

4) While studying a new learning module about Britain's role in the slave trade, schoolchildren show that they have truly come to understand the suffering of the slaves and man's inhumanity to man, by drawing big spunky cocks with hairy bollocks on the text books. (And sharks' fins on any picture of a slave ship, which has now been dotted with swastikas.)

5) Government ministers deny that the new curriculum is just a headline-grabbing mish-mash of vaguely fashionable ideas when the curriculum is found to contain Podcast Studies.



Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

Subscribe to The Friday Thing for free


 ABOUT THE FRIDAY THING
Bad words ahead The Friday Thing is a weekly email comment sheet. Casting a cynical eye over the week's events, it is rarely fair and never balanced.

A selection of articles from each week's issue appear online, but to enjoy the full Thing, delivered by email every Friday - as well as access to almost five years of back issues - you'll need to subscribe. It's absolutely free.

READERS WRITE
"Razor-sharp comment and gossip." - The Sunday Times

"Hilariously cynical..To describe it as 'irreverent' is to do the newsletter an injustice." - The Observer

"Sharp, intelligent, opinionated, uncompromising and very, very funny. Just like 'Private Eye' used to be." - Alec McKelland

"Wicked" - Channel 4

"Ace" - Time Out

"'We rise once again in advocacy of The Friday Thing. We realize that some of you may be unwilling to spend [your money] on plain-text comment, but you're only depriving yourself." - The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

"Subscribing to this at the beginning of the year was undoubtedly one of the better decisions I've made. Superlative, and utterly marvellous. I look forward to Fridays now, because I can't wait for the next issue. Fucking fucking brilliant." - Meish.org

"Featuring writers from The Observer, Smack The Pony and The 11 O'Clock Show... will continue to attract new subscribers sight unseen" - NeedToKnow

"The Friday Thing is so good it's stopping me from doing a bunk of a Friday afternoon." - Annie Blinkhorn (The Erotic Review)

"So now" - The Evening Standard

"Damn it, you rule. May you never, ever back down." - Paul Mayze

"Ace" - PopJustice

"Snarky" - Online Journalism Review

"Can you please stop making me laugh out loud... I'm supposed to be working, you know!" - Tamsin Tyrwhitt

"Your coverage of stuff as it spills is right on the money." - Mike Woods

"Popbitch with A-Levels." - Tim Footman

"In an inbox full of trite work-related nonsense, TFT shines from under its subject heading like the sun out of Angus Deayton's arse." - Nikki Hunt

"A first rate email. It's become an integral part of my week, and my life would be empty and meaningless without it (well, *more* empty and meaningless anyway)." - Mark Pugh

"Genius, absolute bit of class. And you can quote me on that." - Lee Neville

"If you're hipper than hell, this is what you read." - MarketingSherpa

"The most entertaining email I've had all week. Great tone." - Matthew Prior

"A massive and engrossing wit injection." - idiotica.co.uk

"I wouldn't know satire if it bit me on the arse. But I did like the Naomi Campbell joke." - Matt Kelly (The Mirror)

"Has had an understandably high profile among people who know about these things." - Guy Clapperton (Guardian Online)

"Satirical sideswipes at the burning issues of the day." - Radio 5 Live

"Puerile and worthless... Truly fabulous... Do read the whole thing." - Stephen Pollard

The Friday Thing 2001-2008 - All Rights Reserved