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"Got myself a cryin', talkin', sleepin', walkin' humanoid robot with 26 servo motors and a magnesium alloy structure."

13 September 2003


Meet ASIMO, Honda's humanoid robot:


As you can see, ASIMO is a bit shit. He looks more like the BBC's 1982 Marvin the Paranoid Android, rather than the C3PO with real hair that we should really be seeing now that it's 2003 and all. Anyway, Honda boffins have been working on ASIMO - the Advanced Step in Innovative Mobility robot - since 1986. Quite a while.

And now they've got to such a stage where they've produced this thing that can walk around and carry things and bend its legs and change its speed and only needs to be recharged every 30 minutes.

Rubbish really. Really really rubbish. You could have more fun with a toaster. Consequently, ASIMO hasn't been selling well to Japan's gadget-hungry knicker-sniffing populace of worker bees. So now, with a cunning new twist, they're going to try and flog ASIMO to the Indians.

Basically, if everything goes well, ASIMO is going to be next year's Rampant Rabbit. According to Dr CRJP Naidu of the Centre of Artificial Intelligence and Robotics, 'One of the reasons for marital break-ups today is physical inadequacy. Couples are so stressed out that there's no time for foreplay, so essential to get the juices flowing'. Enter ASIMO. 'A smart machine can bridge that gap in no time,' he adds. What exactly he has in mind is difficult to tell - he doesn’t go into details - but with ASIMO involved, flexing his 26 Degrees of Freedom on the marital quilt, it is sure to be very very sexy indeed.

Separated at birth?





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