- About TFT
Friday Thing Archive
- Politics
- Media
- Culture and Society
- War On Terror
- People
- Places
- World
- Popped Clogs
- Music
- Books
- Film
- Etc
Help And Info
- Contact Details
- Advertising
- Jobs
- Privacy Policy
- XML Feed

Home > Film

Robin Ince's Top 30,000 Films Of All Time

#29,996: The Audrey Hepburn Story (starring Jennifer Love Hewitt)

16 May 2003

Should you find yourself paddling through the afternoon schedules of Channel 5 (now more boldly known as 5) you might perhaps be lucky enough to catch sight of a shapely knee, a skinny wrist, a pair of familiar-looking dark glasses, a coquettish stare, and hear those tantalizing words: 'Jennifer Love Hewitt *is* Audrey Hepburn!'

Directed By Steve Robman, whose previous work includes 'Seaquest DSV' and 'Party of Five', 'The Audrey Hepburn Story' has all the class and style one would expect from a film where Hollywood's scream queen (if you know what she did last summer) takes on the role of the poster girl of teen students who wish to obtain the pretence of class by blu-tacking her Holly Golightly image above their greasy cooker in their stinking flat share.


The Audrey Hepburn Story takes place on the set of Breakfast at Tiffanys - here Audrey reminisces about her painful youth in Holland, her Nazi father and some ballet.


Surprisingly, the film opens with Moon River parping in the background and Audrey (J-Lo Hewitt) climbing out of a cab, looking into the window of Tiffanys and then choking on the fine powder of an iced pastry - CUT! Truman Capote (Michael J Burg, who you may remember playing 'sleazy guy in car' in The Money Shot) looks on with disdain whilst an assistant says "Ms Hepburn is the nicest star I ever worked with." Snarls Truman: "I don't write nice" - ooh Truman, you are a scathing queen.

Anyway, by starting with this scene and this theme even the doziest TV Movie of The Week watcher in Omaha should have some clue as to who the film is all about and why they know her name.

As Audrey prepares to try and eat a pastry on cue again, she hears the fans chanting her name and that reminds her of her mother calling her name in Brussels 1935, and so the flashbacks begin. Audrey's father, played by Lizard eyed Keir Dullea (star of 2001: A Space Odyssey and Black Christmas) is heard to say to Mrs Hepburn that eating sweets is bad for you and if she does she will be setting a bad example for young Audrey - could it have been these words that led to the wasp-waisted waif Audrey's boney shape? Anyway, he goes off to be a Nazi and Audrey goes to Kent, England to be taught things about ballet and talking properly.

There is then one of those classic moments in the biopic which we shall call the 'Ah with the benefit of hindsight' moment. Audrey's mother takes her away from Kent, England as war has broken out and Holland, being a neutral country, shall be much safer (so let the occupation commence). Much of the rest of the film looks at the Nazi occupation before its end and Audrey's eventual move to Hollywood where she wows her doubters, finds love, loses love and tries to eat pastries.

The movie is available from a revolving display unit in most shops that sell cheap DVDs, somewhere above the Ninja movies and below the Shannon Tweed films. You can also purchase it for 9.99 from Amazon, who stock Jennifer Love Hewitt's eponymous debut album as well.

To buy Jennifer Love Hewitt's eponymous debut album, click here.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

Subscribe to The Friday Thing for free

Bad words ahead The Friday Thing is a weekly email comment sheet. Casting a cynical eye over the week's events, it is rarely fair and never balanced.

A selection of articles from each week's issue appear online, but to enjoy the full Thing, delivered by email every Friday - as well as access to almost five years of back issues - you'll need to subscribe. It's absolutely free.

"Razor-sharp comment and gossip." - The Sunday Times

"Hilariously cynical..To describe it as 'irreverent' is to do the newsletter an injustice." - The Observer

"Sharp, intelligent, opinionated, uncompromising and very, very funny. Just like 'Private Eye' used to be." - Alec McKelland

"Wicked" - Channel 4

"Ace" - Time Out

"'We rise once again in advocacy of The Friday Thing. We realize that some of you may be unwilling to spend [your money] on plain-text comment, but you're only depriving yourself." - The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

"Subscribing to this at the beginning of the year was undoubtedly one of the better decisions I've made. Superlative, and utterly marvellous. I look forward to Fridays now, because I can't wait for the next issue. Fucking fucking brilliant." - Meish.org

"Featuring writers from The Observer, Smack The Pony and The 11 O'Clock Show... will continue to attract new subscribers sight unseen" - NeedToKnow

"The Friday Thing is so good it's stopping me from doing a bunk of a Friday afternoon." - Annie Blinkhorn (The Erotic Review)

"So now" - The Evening Standard

"Damn it, you rule. May you never, ever back down." - Paul Mayze

"Ace" - PopJustice

"Snarky" - Online Journalism Review

"Can you please stop making me laugh out loud... I'm supposed to be working, you know!" - Tamsin Tyrwhitt

"Your coverage of stuff as it spills is right on the money." - Mike Woods

"Popbitch with A-Levels." - Tim Footman

"In an inbox full of trite work-related nonsense, TFT shines from under its subject heading like the sun out of Angus Deayton's arse." - Nikki Hunt

"A first rate email. It's become an integral part of my week, and my life would be empty and meaningless without it (well, *more* empty and meaningless anyway)." - Mark Pugh

"Genius, absolute bit of class. And you can quote me on that." - Lee Neville

"If you're hipper than hell, this is what you read." - MarketingSherpa

"The most entertaining email I've had all week. Great tone." - Matthew Prior

"A massive and engrossing wit injection." - idiotica.co.uk

"I wouldn't know satire if it bit me on the arse. But I did like the Naomi Campbell joke." - Matt Kelly (The Mirror)

"Has had an understandably high profile among people who know about these things." - Guy Clapperton (Guardian Online)

"Satirical sideswipes at the burning issues of the day." - Radio 5 Live

"Puerile and worthless... Truly fabulous... Do read the whole thing." - Stephen Pollard

The Friday Thing 2001-2008 - All Rights Reserved