- About TFT
Friday Thing Archive
- Politics
- Media
- Culture and Society
- War On Terror
- People
- Places
- World
- Popped Clogs
- Music
- Books
- Film
- Etc
Help And Info
- Contact Details
- Advertising
- Jobs
- Privacy Policy
- XML Feed

Home > Media

Smooth Operator


12 December 2003

Razor giant Gillette has announced plans to close its two UK operations: the Hemel Hemsptead packaging unit and the Isleworth manufacturing plant. The closures will affect between 1,200 and 1,500 jobs. The company is set to build a brand new facility in Eastern Europe, although the exact location has not yet been decided upon.

"These actions will significantly reduce costs, improve our operating efficiency and streamline our European blade and razor manufacturing, packaging and warehouse operations," insists Michael Cowhig, president of Global Technical and Manufacturing at Gillette.

Thatís as may be, but Cowhig glaringly fails to address the most important issue in all of this: how on earth is it possible for the men in the advertisements to shave at the speed they do?


Thwip, clear! Schlip, finished!

It's perfectly outrageous the way Gillette advertisements depict men scything the hair off their cheeks and chin at such a lightning pace. It is a wholly false representation of their product. It just can't be done like that. If men were honestly to shave at such a pace, their chins would be left a bleeding tangle of scuffed flesh and skin flaps.

Even the names - Mach 3 - Mach 3 Turbo - suggest giddying speed. A speed which is not only impractical, but also potentially dangerous. How long before a young first-timer, fresh out of puberty, easily swayed by the images he's seen on television, saves up his coins for a Sensor Excel, takes it home, lathers up, and whips the blade across his face at 70 miles an hour, slicing open his jugular and bleeding to death on the lino? It's a tragedy waiting to happen.

You would think that at the very least they would be forced to show a disclaimer at the bottom of the screen...

Warning: if you shave at anything approaching the speed these chaps are shaving at, you will wind up with a four inch curl of cheek lying warm and red in the sink. Or you'll notice your hands getting cold, your knees'll go, you'll crumple to the floor and bleed out like a Halal chicken.

We have notified the ITC about this glaring breach of public trust. Hopefully not in vain.

Note: if you look closely at that chump in the Gillette picture above, you can see he's already shaved. So what's he doing shaving??

Gillette has got some explaining to do...

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

Subscribe to The Friday Thing for free

Bad words ahead The Friday Thing is a weekly email comment sheet. Casting a cynical eye over the week's events, it is rarely fair and never balanced.

A selection of articles from each week's issue appear online, but to enjoy the full Thing, delivered by email every Friday - as well as access to almost five years of back issues - you'll need to subscribe. It's absolutely free.

"Razor-sharp comment and gossip." - The Sunday Times

"Hilariously cynical..To describe it as 'irreverent' is to do the newsletter an injustice." - The Observer

"Sharp, intelligent, opinionated, uncompromising and very, very funny. Just like 'Private Eye' used to be." - Alec McKelland

"Wicked" - Channel 4

"Ace" - Time Out

"'We rise once again in advocacy of The Friday Thing. We realize that some of you may be unwilling to spend [your money] on plain-text comment, but you're only depriving yourself." - The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

"Subscribing to this at the beginning of the year was undoubtedly one of the better decisions I've made. Superlative, and utterly marvellous. I look forward to Fridays now, because I can't wait for the next issue. Fucking fucking brilliant." - Meish.org

"Featuring writers from The Observer, Smack The Pony and The 11 O'Clock Show... will continue to attract new subscribers sight unseen" - NeedToKnow

"The Friday Thing is so good it's stopping me from doing a bunk of a Friday afternoon." - Annie Blinkhorn (The Erotic Review)

"So now" - The Evening Standard

"Damn it, you rule. May you never, ever back down." - Paul Mayze

"Ace" - PopJustice

"Snarky" - Online Journalism Review

"Can you please stop making me laugh out loud... I'm supposed to be working, you know!" - Tamsin Tyrwhitt

"Your coverage of stuff as it spills is right on the money." - Mike Woods

"Popbitch with A-Levels." - Tim Footman

"In an inbox full of trite work-related nonsense, TFT shines from under its subject heading like the sun out of Angus Deayton's arse." - Nikki Hunt

"A first rate email. It's become an integral part of my week, and my life would be empty and meaningless without it (well, *more* empty and meaningless anyway)." - Mark Pugh

"Genius, absolute bit of class. And you can quote me on that." - Lee Neville

"If you're hipper than hell, this is what you read." - MarketingSherpa

"The most entertaining email I've had all week. Great tone." - Matthew Prior

"A massive and engrossing wit injection." - idiotica.co.uk

"I wouldn't know satire if it bit me on the arse. But I did like the Naomi Campbell joke." - Matt Kelly (The Mirror)

"Has had an understandably high profile among people who know about these things." - Guy Clapperton (Guardian Online)

"Satirical sideswipes at the burning issues of the day." - Radio 5 Live

"Puerile and worthless... Truly fabulous... Do read the whole thing." - Stephen Pollard

© The Friday Thing 2001-2008 - All Rights Reserved