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Home > Media

Smooth Operator

youch.bmp

12 December 2003

Razor giant Gillette has announced plans to close its two UK operations: the Hemel Hemsptead packaging unit and the Isleworth manufacturing plant. The closures will affect between 1,200 and 1,500 jobs. The company is set to build a brand new facility in Eastern Europe, although the exact location has not yet been decided upon.

"These actions will significantly reduce costs, improve our operating efficiency and streamline our European blade and razor manufacturing, packaging and warehouse operations," insists Michael Cowhig, president of Global Technical and Manufacturing at Gillette.

Thatís as may be, but Cowhig glaringly fails to address the most important issue in all of this: how on earth is it possible for the men in the advertisements to shave at the speed they do?

the_perfect_shave.bmp

Thwip, clear! Schlip, finished!

It's perfectly outrageous the way Gillette advertisements depict men scything the hair off their cheeks and chin at such a lightning pace. It is a wholly false representation of their product. It just can't be done like that. If men were honestly to shave at such a pace, their chins would be left a bleeding tangle of scuffed flesh and skin flaps.

Even the names - Mach 3 - Mach 3 Turbo - suggest giddying speed. A speed which is not only impractical, but also potentially dangerous. How long before a young first-timer, fresh out of puberty, easily swayed by the images he's seen on television, saves up his coins for a Sensor Excel, takes it home, lathers up, and whips the blade across his face at 70 miles an hour, slicing open his jugular and bleeding to death on the lino? It's a tragedy waiting to happen.

You would think that at the very least they would be forced to show a disclaimer at the bottom of the screen...

Warning: if you shave at anything approaching the speed these chaps are shaving at, you will wind up with a four inch curl of cheek lying warm and red in the sink. Or you'll notice your hands getting cold, your knees'll go, you'll crumple to the floor and bleed out like a Halal chicken.

We have notified the ITC about this glaring breach of public trust. Hopefully not in vain.


Note: if you look closely at that chump in the Gillette picture above, you can see he's already shaved. So what's he doing shaving??

Gillette has got some explaining to do...



Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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