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Home > Media

Dignity, what dignity?

1 October 2004

'OK LADS, it's the one you've all been gagging for. We've got the bedroom secrets of playboy Scott Sullivan, the only man ever to have done the double - pin-up rivals Jordan AND Jodie Marsh.' - The News of the World, Sunday

And gag you most probably did, if you read 'Lucky' Sullivan's terrifyingly bland appraisal of the two 'glamour girls', and how they fare in the sack. Pitting one against the other, the article is written like a review in What Whore magazine. As well as assessing the women's 'performance' and 'bodywork', there is even mention of 'road-tests' and what's 'under the bonnet'. But of course there is nothing under the bonnet. And nothing in the boot. It's all shit.

Apparently, the article was created to answer the question which has been torturing 'red-blooded men' - as opposed to gay-blooded men - 'for years'. Less 'kiss and tell', more 'fuck and grade', this is the sad and sweaty gusset of tabloid pornalism. And naturally, it's thoroughly airbrushed. There's nothing wrong with good honest pornography, rare though it may be, but this just is nothing. Not even close. To anything.

'Jodie's [breasts] are big, beautiful AND natural. She also has better thighs and mesmerising blue eyes. She's the genuine sex kitten.' Oh, piss off Sullivan, you bland little jerk. Fuck all that shit. If you absolutely insist on trawling through the open sewer of these pathetic semen-teasers, at least give it the sordidity it deserves. 'She's the genuine sex kitten' tells us zero. Less than zero. Did they take it in the aaaaaaaassssss, that's what your readers are really gagging for. Did they gargle your jizz and gob it back into your mouth?

This quote from Sullivan ended the piece: 'I'm sure I'm envied by millions of blokes. But when you think about it, they're only girls at the end of the day.' We're not sure what that even means, but it doesn't sound very respectful.

Look forward to Jordan's comeback this Sunday: 'Like a maggot in a bucket. Sullivan didn't even touch the sides.'

No fucking dignity some people.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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