2001-2008
Home
Main
- About TFT
Friday Thing Archive
- Politics
- Media
- Culture and Society
- War On Terror
- People
- Places
- World
- Popped Clogs
- Music
- Books
- Film
- Etc
Help And Info
- Contact Details
- Advertising
- Jobs
- Privacy Policy
- XML Feed

Home > Media

TFT supercondensed celebrity news

29 October 2004

If you're anything like us, you're probably sick of having to take at least one day a week off work (unpaid) to keep up with the latest important gossip about the ever-increasing celebrity population, as featured in Heat, Now, Closer, Hello!, OK! and other journals of record. It's a big chunk out of your life, it harms your career, and you end up with the same attention span as Axl Rose at a Proust festival. So, to save you wasting your lives, here is a supercondensed version of the week's celebrity news.


MCFADDEN, KERRY and BRYAN/BRIAN: Tits, crap songs, jungle, split, heartbreak. -ENDS-

NADIA: Man/woman hybrid, BB5, love-rat-cheat-ex, 'It felt special. He knew what to do and he hit the right places,' ie. 'my inverted glans'. -ENDS-

O'BRIEN, TINA, + OTHER CORRIE 'STUNNERS': Charity fashion show, mutton, lamb. -ENDS-

BECKHAM, DAVID and VICTORIA: Thicko, sticko, in love again, advice, accountants. -ENDS-

SPEARS, BRITNEY: Finding self, help from publicist, agent, marketing team, record company. -ENDS-

ZELLWEGER, RENEE: Creepily accurate accents, film version of inferior Bridget Jones sequel, squirrel-eating-rotten-nut expression. -ENDS-

LOOS, REBECCA: Publicist, romance with Stan Collymore, pig wank, Beckam wank, fitter than Posh. -ENDS-

CRUISE, TOM: Photo-op playing baseball, publicising Collateral, teeth, acclaimed wheelchair stuff. -ENDS

RICHIE, NICOLE: 'Reality' TV, Paris Hilton, 'Hello, is it me you're looking for?' No, that was your dad. -ENDS-

LO, J: From block, wears same boots three times in a month ((C) Heat)

MILLER, SIENNA: Furry boots. Jude Law. Alfie. Fit. Earthy substance containing oxides of iron and manganese that is brownish yellow when raw and orange red or reddish brown when burnt and is used as a pigment. -ENDS-

MARSH, JODIE: -ENDS-



Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

Subscribe to The Friday Thing for free


 ABOUT THE FRIDAY THING
Bad words ahead The Friday Thing is a weekly email comment sheet. Casting a cynical eye over the week's events, it is rarely fair and never balanced.

A selection of articles from each week's issue appear online, but to enjoy the full Thing, delivered by email every Friday - as well as access to almost five years of back issues - you'll need to subscribe. It's absolutely free.

READERS WRITE
"Razor-sharp comment and gossip." - The Sunday Times

"Hilariously cynical..To describe it as 'irreverent' is to do the newsletter an injustice." - The Observer

"Sharp, intelligent, opinionated, uncompromising and very, very funny. Just like 'Private Eye' used to be." - Alec McKelland

"Wicked" - Channel 4

"Ace" - Time Out

"'We rise once again in advocacy of The Friday Thing. We realize that some of you may be unwilling to spend [your money] on plain-text comment, but you're only depriving yourself." - The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

"Subscribing to this at the beginning of the year was undoubtedly one of the better decisions I've made. Superlative, and utterly marvellous. I look forward to Fridays now, because I can't wait for the next issue. Fucking fucking brilliant." - Meish.org

"Featuring writers from The Observer, Smack The Pony and The 11 O'Clock Show... will continue to attract new subscribers sight unseen" - NeedToKnow

"The Friday Thing is so good it's stopping me from doing a bunk of a Friday afternoon." - Annie Blinkhorn (The Erotic Review)

"So now" - The Evening Standard

"Damn it, you rule. May you never, ever back down." - Paul Mayze

"Ace" - PopJustice

"Snarky" - Online Journalism Review

"Can you please stop making me laugh out loud... I'm supposed to be working, you know!" - Tamsin Tyrwhitt

"Your coverage of stuff as it spills is right on the money." - Mike Woods

"Popbitch with A-Levels." - Tim Footman

"In an inbox full of trite work-related nonsense, TFT shines from under its subject heading like the sun out of Angus Deayton's arse." - Nikki Hunt

"A first rate email. It's become an integral part of my week, and my life would be empty and meaningless without it (well, *more* empty and meaningless anyway)." - Mark Pugh

"Genius, absolute bit of class. And you can quote me on that." - Lee Neville

"If you're hipper than hell, this is what you read." - MarketingSherpa

"The most entertaining email I've had all week. Great tone." - Matthew Prior

"A massive and engrossing wit injection." - idiotica.co.uk

"I wouldn't know satire if it bit me on the arse. But I did like the Naomi Campbell joke." - Matt Kelly (The Mirror)

"Has had an understandably high profile among people who know about these things." - Guy Clapperton (Guardian Online)

"Satirical sideswipes at the burning issues of the day." - Radio 5 Live

"Puerile and worthless... Truly fabulous... Do read the whole thing." - Stephen Pollard

The Friday Thing 2001-2008 - All Rights Reserved