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Home > Media

The TFT Guide To Remakes

Yet another remake, this time of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, premiered this week. But it all seems a bit pointless; the success of the original radio and TV series lay in the fact that they were funny and rather clever (especially if you're 13), not that the Vogon demolition fleet was chillingly realistic. However, the trend for remaking things - including dross like Ask the Family - looks set to continue unabated, so what can we expect in the future?

26 April 2005

1) Another BBC TV classic is remade as a Hollywood blockbuster: Jerry Bruckheimer's Bagpuss. Bagpuss is the result of a top secret Pentagon experiment to create a robo-hybrid combat cat. But when Bagpuss goes rogue, it's up to a crack team of genetically engineered mice to stop him destroying New York. He Was The Ultimate Killing Machine - But Emily Loved Him.

2) After remakes of Get Carter, The Italian Job and Alfie, another classic Michael Caine film is remade: Jaws 4. One reviewer describes it as 'unspeakably terrible - a real improvement.'

3) The gameshow Mr. & Mrs. is remade for 2005 as Daddy Lives With Sandra Now And Mummy Says You'll Get To Like New Daddy Peter Once You Get To Know Him.

4) Rita, Sue and Bob Too is remade for the US market starring Sienna Miller, Keira Knightley and Brad Pitt as wealthy Manhattan urbanites whose platonic love triangle threatens to jeopardise their plans to open New York's most fashionable restaurant. With Hugh Grant as the numerically-necessary additional love interest to ensure the characters UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES engage in menage a trois and alienate Christian film-goers, calculated to be worth 25.8 per cent of net box office takings.

5) Viewers realise that popular culture has finally been strip-mined to the point of exhaustion when they visit the local Odeon, only to find that the films on offer are:

- Captain Zepp, Space Detective: The Movie

- Mel Gibson's Unambiguously All American Apocalypse Now

- Citizen Kane: Payback Time For Rosebud (starring Sylvester Stallone)

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