Richard Littlejohn is a cunt.
Actually, no. We take that back. Richard Littlejohn is a CUNT. A loathsome, nauseating, uppercase CUNT. And if you think this is ill-conceived, infantile ranting, you should at least be happy that we're not being paid £800,000 a year to make it up. Furthermore, if you disagree, and think he is anything less than a CUNT, you are wrong, and probably Nick Griffin. If you think however, that he is so *obviously* a CUNT that it really doesn't need spelling out, you may have a point. But this week he is in the news, so we felt obliged.
Littlejohn is in the news because he is about to move back from the Sun to the Daily Mail. And, like it or not, when Britain's best-paid and most well-known columnist changes desks, it's news. Actually there isn't a week goes by when we don't get the urge to attempt to put into words how much Richard Littlejohn makes us despair at the depths to which humanity can sink, but usually we don't. We know that despairing at Littlejohn is like waving a fist at the wind. It is wholly pointless. Littlejohn is a force of nature at its cruellest, an abhorrent act of a misanthropic, incomprehensible god.
He is not dissimilar to child abuse. Any human being with even the tiniest shard of humanity understands that he is wrong and should be eradicated, but he exists, and he always will. He is a virulent cancer which attacks the soul of human society and threatens to destroy all that is benign. Weak cells fall prey to his malignancy, taking on his sick, destructive hue. Mirroring Nazi strategies in 1930s Germany, Littlejohn gives the fearful something on which to hang their fears. He provides the desperate with someone to blame.
Littlejohn's opinions are not so much knee-jerk, as epically epileptic. Every single week he goose-steps all over the same old targets like some Pavlovian viper, frothing at the bile-twisted mouth about asylum seekers and homosexuals, single parents and the French, foreigners in general and Guardian readers, peaceniks, welfare spongers and hand-wringing, bleeding heart, homosexual Liberals. His column for Tuesday for example, began, 'If ever there was a case for bringing back the workhouse....' He isn't joking. That same column ends, 'The welfare state was a good idea in principle but it has ended up subsidising the terminally selfish, stupid and lazy... As someone once said: we are all going to hell in a handcart.'
We despair. Littlejohn *is* Satan. Here's another of our favourite quotes from the time of the genocide in Rwanda: 'Does anyone really give a monkey's about what happens in Rwanda? If the Mbongo tribe wants to wipe out the Mbingo tribe then as far as I am concerned that is entirely a matter for them.' Satan.
What is really frightening about Littlejohn is that he is exactly witless enough, charmless enough, and has exactly the right combination of prejudices and lowest common denominator political ideals to make a hugely successful politician. We know that he yearns for the limelight - his main reason for leaving the Sun seems to have been that Murdoch reneged on their agreement to keep him on the telly three times a week for the rest of his life - and he's just now moving into the right age bracket to be trusted by youth-fearing Conservatives. Just think, within a couple of years, Littlejohn could be a Norman Tebbit for the happy slapper generation. You're shaking your head. You're thinking, 'No, he's too stupid, too populist.' We hope so.
This week Paul Dacre, editor of the Daily Mail, said: 'By turns witty, scabrous, wise, always penetrating but never dull, Richard takes no prisoners with his outspoken views and comment. Whether you come from the Left or the Right, he is required reading. I am absolutely delighted that he will be returning to his spiritual home later this year.'
BNP leader Nick Griffin has described Littlejohn as his favourite writer.
Richard Littlejohn is a CUNT.