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Home > Media

Sweaty Flap: Dick's Downfall

28 October 2005

In the Sunday Mirror this week an escort agency call girl by the name of Lucy Ashton revealed how children's TV star Richard 'Dick' McCourt 'pestered her for kinky sex before bedding her in a top hotel'. McCourt of course is half of Dick and Dom, famous primarily for peddling smut to pre-teens on Saturday morning telly. Games such as 'Creamy Muck Muck' and 'What a Sweaty Flap' had already ensured that Dick and Dom would not be returning for another series, so really, this seedy exclusive was something of a wasted opportunity for would-be moral hygienists at the Beeb. Still, excellent fun nonetheless. If not necessarily good and clean.

Like most TV presenters who bed whores - Deayton, Theakston, Norden - McCourt apparently had no idea that Ashton was a working girl. Or so claims Ashton herself, who for five months was so smitten with McCourt's pre-bedding attentions that she genuinely envisioned a proper relationship. She thought she could be his girlfriend. But after the sex - which was 'frantic', 'passionate' and 'lovely', 'even though his performance was a bit average', McCourt started acting like a bit of a dick, making excuses about feeding his cat and tossing 160 on the bed to pay for Ashton's cab back home. 'He made me feel cheap,' said Ashton. Bastard. You've got to be pretty damn sordid to make a high class hooker feel cheap.

The story also goes into detail about McCourt's courting technique, which hinged primarily upon 'saucy' sex-texts. For example, McCourt would saucily inquire if he should shave his balls before they met, and saucily suggested that Ashton wore a PVC skirt and nail polish, like a whore.

But still, even some the most romantic wooing can result in a horribly disillusioning climax, and Ashton is nothing if not very disillusioned:

'I was lying on my front and he climbed on top of me. He claimed he could keep going for hours but it was over in minutes. He said he usually lasted a lot longer, but didn't seem embarrassed. He was an average lover - nothing special. It was less than memorable.'

Shameful. And to think the BBC saw Dick as their answer to Dec. Pfft. In your dreams, BBC. Dec would never sully his reputation with poor performance whore-sex.

Although we do have our doubts about Ant.



Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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