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Home > Media

Monkey PC, Monkey Do

12 January 2006

This week The Sun came steaming out of the traps with a little piece that was precisely, perfectly engineered as the ultimate Sun article. Maybe there's a 1% error margin in that it was, offputtingly, a book review of sorts, but otherwise it's like a pure shot of Wade to the brain. How much more Sun could it be? The answer is none. None more Sun.

'They're taking the PC', says the headline. Beneath this, two contrasting pictures: a couple of demi-chavs (he fearsomely crop-headed in short sleeved shirt, she in cropped white top clutching generic beer bottle) in a sexy clinch; next to them, a sombrely seated line of young black men. The caption is simply, bafflingly: 'HIV... PC version, left, and non PC version'. This is to illustrate the fact that 'political correctness is wrecking British society because it twists the truth'. Ahhh. Such is the claim of a new book by a bloke from right-wing think-tank Civitas, loftily entitled 'The Retreat of Reason' and fully embraced to the outraged heaving bosom of The Sun, and thereby lapped up by its eagerly suckling readership. Noxious bare-faced prejudice and crowing aside, it actually makes for quite a touching scene.

It goes on to say:

'The book... reveals the PC version of events is almost always accepted - even if it is WRONG! And people who challenge PC views are often targeted with personal abuse. Author Anthony Browne said the PC brigade blamed Britain's high HIV infection rate on teenagers having unsafe sex. But "factually correct truth" based on official figures is that the rise is largely down to the rival of HIV positive African immigrants.'

Isn't there something amusing about the phrase 'factually correct truth', not only in itself but when it's being framed by cautious inverted commas? The rest of it isn't especially funny, though, just the same tiresome whinnying, so stupidly over-excited at its own courageous myth-dispelling chutzpah that it can barely stand. In fact, this kind of reasoning plants itself so drastically far from the pejorative notion of political correctness that it comes full circle, and is actually about as politically correct in pandering to a certain mindset as you can get. It's just an inversion.

The irony is that Browne is carping about how toxic PC thinking ('a heresy of liberalism') is choking British debate, when in fact it's his own type of barnstorming damnation which acts as garrotte. Until you can step back from the polar extremes of kneejerk condemnation and blinkered, blanket exoneration, then you're going to achieve little more than a sore throat. (This is due to everyone having to shout louder than women who are complaining about sex discrimination, another PC myth Brown has no fear of debunking.) It isn't 'political correctness' (how hoary the phrase sounds now, like 'terylene blanket') that's the problem but the relentless desire for ultimate opposition in debate; if you're not for us, you're four thousand miles away. It's more about measuring the record-breaking distance between viewpoints than trying to reconcile them; more gratifying to make a big mud puddle of any common ground than try to... ooh, but look, there's a handy table in the Civitas press release:

'Issue - Women's pay less than men's

PC Truth - Sex discrimination

Factually Correct Truth - Different work/life choices, childcare breaks

Issue - Explosion in HIV

PC Truth - Teenagers having unsafe sex

Factually Correct Truth - African immigration

Issue - Rise in anti-semitic attacks

PC Truth - White skinheads

Factually Correct Truth - Muslim youths'

When you put it like *that*, it's difficult to refute. We're converted - the sense of relief is marvellous. So before we go off to advise our female pals to have that sprog they've always wanted, and stop feeling uncomfortable about the fact that they've been paid less even empty-wombed for the last ten years, we're going to compose our own list of Correct Truthfulitude. Because we at TFT aren't afraid to tell it like it is.


PC truth - STDs and teenage pregnancies are the inevitable result of a repressed society that just about teaches horny teenagers how to have sex before telling them not to on pain of death.

FC truth - Illegal immigrants are knocking everyone up and diseasing them. *And* smoking drugs in the street.

PC truth - Women remain subject to any number of instances of personal and professional discrimination due to a persistent underlying societal imbalance.

FC truth - Women are only paid less because their heads are full of shopping and knitting and childcare, and they're really not very bright.

PC truth - Drug addicts are victims and addiction is a grave problem which should be addressed sensibly and with compassion.

FC truth - Drug addicts are just like Renton in Trainspotting, waving their smack-tracked willies about and groping Scarlet Johannssen (one of our babes of the year!).

PC truth - Britain is on the brink of another water shortage, due in part to climate change but also the inefficiency of poorly-managed water companies.

FC truth - Asylum seekers are drinking all our water, throwing it back up and then drowning babies in it to give to necrophiliac paedo scum.

PC truth - Short people are 'vertically challenged'; the disabled are 'differently abled'; unattractive people are 'physically challenged'; non-whites are 'racially diverse'.

FC truth - Dwarves, mongs, mingers and illegal immigrants.

PC truth - Domestic violence is equally bad whichever party is on the receiving end.

FC truth - Women should hit men once in a while to keep them in line, and to provide the nation with light-hearted reading matter. There is so much evil in the world, after all.

PC truth - Pornography is at the very least problematic in an enlightened society, giving rise to debate as to whether women are willing participants in their own exploitation or simply asserting ownership of their own bodies.

FC truth - Tits are *great*.

PC truth - Religious tolerance is such in this country that devotees of other faiths are not remotely offended by what is really after all a very watered-down and semi-secular end-of-year festival.

FC truth - Mohammed fucks Santa in the ass!

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