- About TFT
Friday Thing Archive
- Politics
- Media
- Culture and Society
- War On Terror
- People
- Places
- World
- Popped Clogs
- Music
- Books
- Film
- Etc
Help And Info
- Contact Details
- Advertising
- Jobs
- Privacy Policy
- XML Feed

Home > Media

The TFT Guide to... Being a Blue Peter Presenter

2 July 2006

This week 'Blue Peter' recruited its latest presenter, Andy Akinwolere. But it's a daunting prospect to step into the shoes of such titans of children's TV as Valerie Singleton, John Noakes, Peter Purves, Sarah Greene, Janet Ellis and the one off 'Seaview' who hangs around with that Scouse twat who thinks he can talk to ghosts. So what does it take to become one of the greats of 'Blue Peter' presenting?


1) The best 'Blue Peter' presenters are responsible for some sort of risqué gaffe, e.g., Simon Groom presenting an item on door knockers and saying 'What a beautiful pair of knockers'. Thus, on visiting a project to restore steam locomotives and seeing a rimmed train wheel, be sure to blurt out 'What a smashing bit of flange!'

2) 'Blue Peter' presenters are often called upon to do things that require nerves of steel, if not actual foolhardiness. Why not try interviewing a wheelchair-bound man with the severest form of cerebral palsy and a chronic speech impediment on live television?

3) It is traditional for 'Blue Peter' presenters to have a) a murky past, such as Peter Duncan's appearances in porn films, and b) an embarrassing episode with an animal, as with John Noakes and Lulu the shitting elephant. Kill two birds with one stone by having once starred in 'Animal Farm 7: Coprophiliac Chimpanzee Cum Fest'.

4) Bear in mind that from time to time 'Blue Peter' producers take leave of their senses and film a frighteningly inappropriate segment, e.g. the time the show featured Maggie Philbin, Tina Heath, Isla St Clair, Sarah Greene and her jailbait daughter wearing historical underwear to illustrate an item about ladies' lingerie down the years, thus spawning God-knows-what sexual fantasies in millions of 10-year-old boys. If you're female, fully expect to be required to hop into a Raquel Welch-style furry bikini to present a piece about how the dinosaurs became extinct.

5) Be aware that 'Blue Peter' is constantly having to adapt to the changing interests of youngsters. As a presenter you should be as at home making a model of Tracey Island from toilet roll tubes and sticky-backed plastic as you are converting a replica pistol to fire live .22 ammunition.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

Subscribe to The Friday Thing for free

Bad words ahead The Friday Thing is a weekly email comment sheet. Casting a cynical eye over the week's events, it is rarely fair and never balanced.

A selection of articles from each week's issue appear online, but to enjoy the full Thing, delivered by email every Friday - as well as access to almost five years of back issues - you'll need to subscribe. It's absolutely free.

"Razor-sharp comment and gossip." - The Sunday Times

"Hilariously cynical..To describe it as 'irreverent' is to do the newsletter an injustice." - The Observer

"Sharp, intelligent, opinionated, uncompromising and very, very funny. Just like 'Private Eye' used to be." - Alec McKelland

"Wicked" - Channel 4

"Ace" - Time Out

"'We rise once again in advocacy of The Friday Thing. We realize that some of you may be unwilling to spend [your money] on plain-text comment, but you're only depriving yourself." - The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

"Subscribing to this at the beginning of the year was undoubtedly one of the better decisions I've made. Superlative, and utterly marvellous. I look forward to Fridays now, because I can't wait for the next issue. Fucking fucking brilliant." - Meish.org

"Featuring writers from The Observer, Smack The Pony and The 11 O'Clock Show... will continue to attract new subscribers sight unseen" - NeedToKnow

"The Friday Thing is so good it's stopping me from doing a bunk of a Friday afternoon." - Annie Blinkhorn (The Erotic Review)

"So now" - The Evening Standard

"Damn it, you rule. May you never, ever back down." - Paul Mayze

"Ace" - PopJustice

"Snarky" - Online Journalism Review

"Can you please stop making me laugh out loud... I'm supposed to be working, you know!" - Tamsin Tyrwhitt

"Your coverage of stuff as it spills is right on the money." - Mike Woods

"Popbitch with A-Levels." - Tim Footman

"In an inbox full of trite work-related nonsense, TFT shines from under its subject heading like the sun out of Angus Deayton's arse." - Nikki Hunt

"A first rate email. It's become an integral part of my week, and my life would be empty and meaningless without it (well, *more* empty and meaningless anyway)." - Mark Pugh

"Genius, absolute bit of class. And you can quote me on that." - Lee Neville

"If you're hipper than hell, this is what you read." - MarketingSherpa

"The most entertaining email I've had all week. Great tone." - Matthew Prior

"A massive and engrossing wit injection." - idiotica.co.uk

"I wouldn't know satire if it bit me on the arse. But I did like the Naomi Campbell joke." - Matt Kelly (The Mirror)

"Has had an understandably high profile among people who know about these things." - Guy Clapperton (Guardian Online)

"Satirical sideswipes at the burning issues of the day." - Radio 5 Live

"Puerile and worthless... Truly fabulous... Do read the whole thing." - Stephen Pollard

© The Friday Thing 2001-2008 - All Rights Reserved