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Home > Media

WAWIBF... Toilet Paper

8 September 2006

Lucky old Londoners have been bombarded with free reading material recently, with two new freesheets launched in the last two weeks. The downside - or at least the most glaring downside - is that both papers are unremittingly stuffed with absolute garbage.

First up was London Lite, essentially The Standard rebranded. Or rather, The Standard Lite rebranded. So, a dumbed-down version of a dumbed-down version of a pretty fucking dumb and ugly newspaper. This was launched two weeks ago in an effort to take the wind from the sails of The London Paper, which launched this week. The London Paper is of course Rupert Murdoch's latest attempt to transform the head of every last inhabitant of the planet into dung. Dung that decrees that life consists of nothing more than paedophiles, terrorists, immigrants (so, terrorists again) and the sweet, sweet relief of celebrity gossip.

As a consequence of this bogus surfeit of choice, London itself is transformed. Now every weekday evening from around five o'clock the city's streets are awash with freesheet muggers, and by the time rush hour is over it's difficult not to be reminded of that scene in Terry Gilliam's 'Brazil' when De Niro's Harry Tuttle is swamped, engulfed and finally disappeared by a blizzard of useless, pointless paper.

Both freesheets seem to have wildly over-estimated demand. So along with all the thousands of hastily discarded copies, there are piles and piles and piles of unread print, just sitting around aimlessly and waiting to be picked up and pulped, often surrounded by throngs of weeping tree-huggers.

Still, at least we still have the Metro.


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