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Home > Music

Recent Stories In Music
TFT Goes To: Glastonbury
July 3, 2005
When you go to a festival, you expect to be entertained. When you go to a festival and a fortnight’s rain dumps on it in six hours, you *become* the entertainment. Sodden front-page fodder. As the stories from outside the Glastonbury site bounce back to you in the form of panicked phone-calls asking if you’ve been struck by lightning or drowned, you start to be grimly amused by the extent of the media’s gleeful hyperbole.
Rock Against Racism
March 26, 2004
1976: Eric Clapton is on-stage in Birmingham and takes some time out from playing the music he loves for some banter with the audience, bigging-up the racist MP Enoch Powell. That done, some more black slave music, and home to...
Review: No Angels
March 19, 2004
The most awful films and programmes can have the most exciting soundtracks. Natural Born Killers is the best example: two hours of boredom with a soundtrack so good you even start to like the excerpts of dialogue after the first...
Rock Against Racism
March 19, 2004
1976: Eric Clapton is on-stage in Birmingham and takes some time out from playing the music he loves for some banter with the audience, bigging-up the racist MP Enoch Powell. That done, some more black slave music, and home to...
Radio TFT
March 19, 2004
We doff our plastic hats to Lego Goes to Hollywood for their admirable recreation of Michael Jackson’s Thriller video – the full-length John Landis version. Some 76 hours of stop-motion fun distilled into 14 minutes of Lego werewolves and satanic...
More lawsuits for Mr Cage
February 6, 2004
You'll have heard about Apple's iTunes Store and how they let you just download individual tracks, right? Death to the album and being forced to buy three quarters-an-hour of filler? Right? Almost. One thing you need to watch out for...
Bet I have you naked by the end of this song
February 6, 2004
There are two Americas. This week, they met each other at the Super Bowl. And they didn't get on one itty-bitty bit. There's the America of MTV. In this America, the more your dancing looks like a stripper's, the more...
WAWIBF: sucking Satan's cock
January 29, 2004
What a great sloppy wet suck of a week it's been for flamboyant Gods of Rock, The Darkness. What's that you say? Rock? Rock? Gods of Cock more like. Gods of Dark Lord Satan's Fat Christmassy Cock. The fucking Darkness...
Ceremony? A funeral more like.
January 25, 2004
He can't honestly think it's any good. He can't. It's embarrassing: one of the greatest guitarists of all time doing barely glorified session work. The album is called Ceremony: Remixes and Rarities - and it's not very good. Only one...
Gig review: Oye Como Rubbish
January 25, 2004
Back at the arse-end of 2003, on a windy night at Wembley, I experienced what can at best be described as a musical enema. The happy poppy beats tore up my back-passage, and flushed out every last drop of my...
A Mighty Wind: music recommendations
January 19, 2004
What are the good real-life '60s American folkie albums?
Just The Gist #53: One Hit Wonders
January 12, 2004
ACME's pop quiz is back. Identify fifteen one-hit wonders, and win music!
While my guitar gently rises in value
January 9, 2004
Dr Gilbert Lederman was in a quandry. On the one hand, his son was a huge fan of the Beatles and would have been over the moon to have his guitar signed by George Harrison. On the other hand, George...
Oops, I do
January 6, 2004
The best thing about alcohol, apart from the way it numbs the pain of existence, is that it can strip away the gloss of celebrity faster than Liza Minnelli can say "come here David, you bitch!".
Album-O-Matic of the year 2003
January 2, 2004
Every year, the London News Review is contractually obliged to lavish upon you one of those End Of Year Lists of the best music. It's either that, or Stuart Maconie and Jeremy Clarkson get to reminisce at the end of every article we post about Spacehoppers.
The ACME Music Quiz Of The Year 2003
December 23, 2003
ACME has returned, for one special edition only, in quiz form.
Broadcast at the Islington Academy: 10 questions
December 11, 2003
After the gig, the questions.
Ace in the hole?
December 6, 2003
Respected as a DJ on the Sydney scene, teenager DJ Ace learned his craft making mixtapes of his favourite tunes. He also trades ideas with other DJs online. And that's where his problems started.
Just The Gist: Christmas Edition
December 5, 2003
From an outline of the festive songs, can you give the seasonal answers?
Kabbalah... with Britney and Madonna
December 5, 2003
"Yesod is the world seen magically, the relationships under the surface of life. I have made Missy Elliott like me through this power, and I made you kiss me; soon, it will let me rule the musical world once more. This is where Into the Groove and Hollywood come together, and where our mystic union takes place."
104 calories in a shit-induced daze
December 5, 2003
It is physically impossible to exercise without listening to something. Try it and you will run a gruelling section of treadmill only to look down after a decent amount of sweat to see you’ve been at it for 25 seconds and burnt four calories, writes Shaun Pye
The freebie I’d gladly have paid for
December 4, 2003
Xfm's Chris Smith chooses Beth Orton’s ‘Pass in Time’.
Never mind the questions, here are the answers: Chrissie Hynde
December 3, 2003
'Someone told me that Morrissey said when I enter a room I enter it as a man and a woman. But he’s a poet so I’m not quite sure what he meant.' Hannah Borno gets some answers from Chrissie Hynde.
November 29, 2003
Not a story about Busted. A story about Glenn Campbell. After 22 years of peaceful living in Arizona, the country music legend gets pissed off his face and knees a policeman in the leg.
The Greatest Album Sleeves That Never Were
November 16, 2003
The world's most celebrated artists have had a stab at doing some album sleeves. Alan Connor ponders why the results are such a disappointment.
They would call, then hang up giggling
November 4, 2003
At home he was a borderline obsessive-compulsive neat freak who would spend hours vacuuming a corner. He drank gallons of vodka but wouldn’t eat anything but porridge with jam in the shape of a smiley face. Kristi Luik on her Estonian rock star boyfriend.
WAWIBF: Courtney Love
October 29, 2003
Sad rock chick having life difficulties. Do we care? Well, maybe a little bit.
WAWIBF: The Jehovah's Witness formerly known as Prince
October 18, 2003
All he wants is your extra time and your.... allegiance to Jehovah.
Bring me the head of Britney Spears
October 17, 2003
The wife of the govenor of Maryland versus Britney Spears. A bloodbath in the offing.
"Get that jigaboo up here and I will sort her out!"
October 17, 2003
Where would a Girl Aloud pick up such a term?
Bono: Why?
October 9, 2003
A question which has yet to be satisfactorily answered. Now that Fermat's Last Theorum has been solved, you'd think that someone might have a bash at this one.
Ted Nugent: All-American Earthman
October 3, 2003
He has blood in his veins, a song in his heart, and a high-tensile Renegade Non-Typical XL 41-inch bow in his hands. Yup, it's the Nuge, and he's a-gawn huntin'.
Straight Outta Sync
September 19, 2003
A tragic band, trying to cling onto their fifteen minutes of money.
Waen Sheperd: carving out the future of music with a silken axe
September 19, 2003
We meet the man behind the boldest and most uncompromising Neo-Regency Face Warrior of modern times: Gary le Strange.
I thought: "Brilliant! I can give this to Warp and they won't pester me every two years."
September 19, 2003
A review of Sheath by LFO.
Drool drool drool drool
September 19, 2003
The Dead Kennedys and Francesco Urbini.
Bono stole this song from Charles Manson...
September 19, 2003
Alan Connor would like your thoughts on Bono.
Popped Clog: Warren Zevon
September 10, 2003
Warren Zevon - quirky songwriter and.... well, quirky songwriter - has finally hung up his guitar and died. Although, in truth, someone else probably hung it up for him, seeing as how weak he'd become from the cancer.
Hail to the thief
September 5, 2003
"Gimme some new shit" demands Missy Elliot. We might well demand the same of her.
Mariah Carey: the tears of a clown
September 5, 2003
God-bothering death-dodging prude Mariah Carey has been whining on about not being able to find a boyfriend again.
Just The Gist #23
September 5, 2003
A fun quiz in our patented format.
Longpig Jungle Music
September 3, 2003
As the saying goes: Sting helps those who helps themselves.
ACME Music & Lying Quiz
August 29, 2003
All music, all about lying.
Ian MacDonald RIP
August 25, 2003
Ian MacDonald died on Thursday, aged 54.
Funeral music
August 15, 2003
Alan Connor is surprised by the most popular songs at funerals.
Jack of all trades, master of none
August 9, 2003
Felix Dennis: Investor in person.
The Super Summer Sleeve Quiz 2003
August 8, 2003
25 sleeves to identify, on a summer theme.
Ghost Train #1: Train
August 5, 2003
Bands who make you want to listen to their "influences".
Just The Gist #38: Summer
August 4, 2003
A summer-themed quiz.
Songs that make you sick
July 18, 2003
A contribution to the debate by Paul Garner.
Don't Let The Door Hit You In The Fanny On The Way Out
July 15, 2003
Fan. Lead singer. And back to fan. The curious career path of Tim "Ripper" Owens.
Glastonbury 2003: the year that Moby jumped the shark
July 4, 2003
Sad indeed to see the death of Moby, but at least we got to witness the rebirth of Yes.
Was it a good thing that Thom Yorke was mugged?
June 13, 2003
Why don't record reviews review records?
Popped Clog: Barry White
June 5, 2003
Barry White - father, singer, sex symbol, chronic overeater - has died. He was 58.
Is Ska-Punk the new Punk?
May 9, 2003
Alan Connor visits a 14-and-over gig and comes out having been neither named nor shamed.
Pop Magazine-O-Matic
April 16, 2003
Want to try out a new music magazine? Want to avoid a pig, in a poke? Let Alan Connor guide you in LNR's patented O-Matic format.
Disrespectful To Dirt: French Lyrics Special
March 19, 2003
Defying the ban of all things French, we translate francophone pop hits into English. You tell us their names.
ACME Field Trip: rural California (Part III)
March 14, 2003
Alan Connor's final despatch from the Sunshine State.
Just The Gist: War Special Edition
March 12, 2003
A war-themed Just The Gist
ACME Field Trip: rural California (Part II)
March 6, 2003
Alan Connor's second despatch from the Sunshine State.
Just The Gist: Pop Punk Special Edition
January 24, 2003
Five pop punk singles. Just tell us what they are!
Don't Shoot Me, I'm Only The Piano Player
January 17, 2003
On his website, Jonathan King, the noted paedophile apologist, writes the following: I adore the work of Dickens and Shakespeare, my idols, but I have no idea whether or not I'd have liked them in person. In fact, I suspect...
Popped Clog: Maurice Gibb
January 14, 2003
Maurice George Harrison Gibb - husband, father, brother, brother, Bee Gee - has died. He was 53.
Popped Clog: Joe Strummer
December 24, 2002
Joe Strummer - guitarist, vocalist, songwriter and sometime front man - has died. He was 50.
Bond. Lame Bond.
November 1, 2002
From the archives of ACME: Which version of Photoshop is it that removes the clothes of "classical" music strumpet-crumpet?
Pop Quiz, Hotshot: Rolling Stone 1971
September 20, 2002
Five questions based on the May 13th, 1971 edition of Rolling Stone.
Disrespectful To Dirt: September Number Ones
September 4, 2002
Can you tell which lyrics have been run through an auto-translator and come out like this?
Disrespectful To Dirt: Aug/Sept Number Ones
August 30, 2002
Can you tell which lyrics have been run through an auto-translator and come out like this?
Nu-Gent and Nugent: a party band and a rocker
August 29, 2002
Who's playing in plubs in your area?
Pop Quiz, Hotshot: Smash Hits 1986
June 27, 2002
Five questions drawn from a classic-period copy of Smash Hits.
The Bootylicious Shall Inherit The Earth
January 11, 2002
One only has to look closely at the lyrics of Destiny's child to see a carefully worked-out theological position.

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