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Home > Music

ACME Music & Lying Quiz

Alan Connor's Music Extravaganza sets you thirty-one simple questions.

29 August 2003

Something - it's hard to specify what - has put me in mind of lying this week. Something about how demeaning and infuriating it is to be lied to. Especially repeatedly and brazenly.

And look at music. Torch songs. Done-wrong songs. Country songs. No-one likes being lied to. And yet the liars keep up their tricks. But we never forgive it. Thirty questions on Mendacity In Pop follow. No-one expects you to get full marks. Not without cheating, anyway.

(1) "I turned round / Oh baby gonna be alright / It was a great big lie / cause I left that night." Who am I?

(2) Which band, made up of a violent criminal, a future MOR king, a children's illustrator and a future superstar DJ pretended to be Christians?

(3) Who somehow managed to make the following rant sound musical: "I'm sick and tired of hearing lies from uptight short-sighted narrow-minded hypocrites"?

(4) Whose books did Geri Haliwell pretend she was reading for the benefit of paparazzi and excitable tabloid journalists?

(5) In which of the following places was Shaggy not caught "banging" red-handed: the sofa, on the counter, on the sofa, in the shower, 'gainst the window or on the bathroom floor?

(6) In which 1983 #3 does a blind man deduce that his partner is having an affair from the frequency with which she wears perfume these days?

(7) Which of the following has not been reliably reported as having been submitted to hospital with pints of sperm in their stomach: Alanis Morrissette, Rod Stewart, Elton John, David Bowie, Li'l Kim, Marc Almond, Britney Spears, Nelly, Mick Jagger, Andy Warhol, Jeff Beck, Jon Bon Jovi, or Fiona Apple?

(8) Who wrote a song about how you "didn't run" and you "didn't lie" and announced thirty years later that he was singing to marijuana?

(9) Which act did respected philosopher Roger Scruton believe had done a Milli Vanilli, earning himself a libel?

(10) Which make of car does the heroine of a Beach Boys song lose access to after lying about a homework assignment?

(11) In a 1995 track, Hangingday Hero Russell Simmons makes various spurious claims as to his wealth, the number of sneakers he owns, and how compliant his girlfriend is. Who brandishes the sword of truth, decrying him as Jabber-Jaw, the Professor of Super Lies and " brotherly related" to Pinocchio? For a bonus point, how many lies does Simmons tell in the course of the track?

(12) When Missy Elliott is unconvinced by a fake Rolex, what does she use as a signifier of what rich folks do?

(13) Whose biggest hits were a song about incredulity, a follow-up about faith and a Monkees cover about credulity?

(14) Who recorded a dancefloor-filler with her abusive husband about how his nefarious deeds make his claims of devotedness less credible?

(15) In the AC/DC song where the protagonist "curdle[s] the cream" of a woman who falsely claims to be a virgin, from which city does the "dirty little bitch" hail?

(16) Which '90s soul duo claimed to have met on a subway train and thereupon written an appropriately-titled #1 song?

(17) Which Daniel Sneddon composition rhymes "coffee" with "cafe"?

(18) My first British hit was about how what my girlfriend doesn't know won't hurt her. I subsequently took an official photo of the Queen. Who am I? (Clue: I later told you that I would lie for you. Yes, you, not the other one. I never cared about her.)

(19) Which of the following has not recorded "The Night Has A Thousand Eyes": Tight Fit, Bobby Vee, Petula Clark, Randy Edelman, Pharoah Sanders, Ultravox, The Carpenters, Shelley Manne or John Coltrane?

(20) Who originally recorded Freddie Mercury's 1987 hit "The Great Pretender"?

(21) In which #1 hit does a Geordie's girlfriend quote a Sting song, and then slam a door closed?

(22) Which '80s gazillion-seller is rendered thus when put through Google's auto-translator: "To say the lie / To say lie to soft small me (To say lie to me) / (Legend me that) / Oh they not being able to disguise / (They not being able to disguise) / (They not being able to disguise) / To say small cakes lie"?

(23) Who heads for the cheatin' side of town, but ends up in a drunken remorseful reverie?

(24) Who told his former colleague he was deceitful and lucky to have rice and peas, and made his hungry baby perform backing vocals before really making the point by burning down his studio?

(25) To whom did The Independent, The San Francisco Chronicle and The Face attribute the quotation "When I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry - I mean, I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff", having misunderstood an Onion-type satire?

(26) "How I wish I could be sure it's me that turns you on." Whose heartbreaking response to a lover's inadvertent nocturnal confessions?

(27) When Bob Dylan tells of how William Zanzinger escaped prosecution for the murder of Hattie Carroll because he was powerful in the courtroom, which agit-prop poem does he take the structure from?

(28) Which Top 10 hit of 1967 details a wife's attempts to conceal an affair from an alcoholic husband?

(29) In Spandau Ballet's "True", what is the composition of the "pill on my tongue"?

(30) When George Bush Jnr. stumbled over quoting the epithet from Tennessee (or it might have been Texas, he wasn't sure) "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me", which Who track did he reference in his cocaine confusion?

pantsonfire@lnreview.co.uk



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