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Home > Music

The ACME Music Quiz Of The Year 2003

There have been many deaths in music this year: some the sad passing of musicians themselves (Johnny Cash, Sheb Wooley, Barry White, Barney Kessel), and others the inevitable demise of movers and shakers who burned the candle at both ends once too often (Sean Hughes).

Saddest of all, though, was the end of The Friday Thing's music feature, Alan Connor's Music Experience. Always one of the more controversial subjects in TFT Feedback, arousing odium and indifference in equal measure, ACME was belatedly retired in October. In a spirit of goodwill, though, and in order to settle certain contractual ambiguities, ACME has returned, for one special edition only, in quiz form.

For a prize of the CDs which have amassed since Alan Connor cleared his desk, simply answer the following twelve questions towards acme@lnreview.co.uk.

23 December 2003


Which musician, convicted for statutory rape and indicted for 21 counts of child pornography, re-issues his children's book? And what is its name?



Who is pictured here, keeping it even realer than usual?

And in what context does Karl Peart quote her ballady third single? (And, for a bonus point, has she gone away now?)


The Communications Bill is discussed. This is New Labour's attempt to make sure that foreign conglomerates can control and programme more British radio. Clear Channel have their eyes on Kiss, Classic FM, Capital, Jazz FM, Magic, Melody FM and Kerrang.


When Clear Channel's founder, Lowry Mays, addresses the Radio Academy, he announces that radio is "an advertising medium", there to sell

  • CDs
  • the good life or
  • hamburgers?


Janet Jackson has a restraining order put on one of her stalkers, and he responds by suing her, despite having already lost a $20m defamation suit. Later in the year, Britney's stalker will also issue a writ.


The litigants are Masahiko Shizawa and Eric Leon Christian. But which nut is suing which dolly-bird?


I am an outspoken singer, and this year, I inadvertently tell New! magazine that I've had a threesome with a bandmate and declare that I want to have sex with an alien, In May, I also announce that I sometimes wet the bed in order to feel more comfortable. I have no sense of "too much information". Who am I?


A publishing company decides to legally bully fansites into removing such lyrics as

i want to breathe
i want to grow
i want a knife and a gun and things
but mum and dad will not give in
i want a perfect body
i want a perfect soul
The idea is that fans may be encouraged to go and spend more on hideously-overpriced books of sheet music. The band offers no support, the fansites stand firm, and no extra sheet music is sold. Once again, the music industry tries to harm its best customers, and fails. Name the band.


Despite having written Kill It And Grill It, a cook-book explaining how he enjoys slaying bears and deers, a guitar hero has to run away like a girl from a little-bittle fungus in his house. Who is the cowardly rocker?



Kingston, Jamaica. A new statue is named after a song by a former inhabitant of the capital. Unfortunately, many locals are upset that the statue's penis is too big, and a mild shitstorm ensues. What is the name of the song, also covered this year by the late Joe Strummer and the late Johnny Cash?



I am a drummer in an indy-schmindy outfit. When I become a gazillionaire, I eschew my band's softy-bloke image and start acting like a dickwad. For instance, when a neighbour accidentally takes my cab, rather than talking to her, I go crying like a pampered baby to my lawyer and send off a letter accusing her of criminal deception. I need a good firm slap on my bare bottom. Who am I?



The Recording Industry Association of America fires off another writ, this time against Sarah Seabury Ward. It's another disaster, of course. Why this time?

  • Sarah is a little girl downloading nursery rhymes
  • The Wards use a Mac and therefore can't use Kazaa as charged or
  • The Wards don't have a computer


A nickname gets challenged. The nickname had belonged to a popstar, and had implied that his penis was larger than the average size. An ex-girlfriend of the popstar says that the penis was actually quite small, while his grandmother counters that, on the contrary, the penis is fairly big.


What is the nickname, and, for a bonus point, why does the same grandmother object to the popstar's current girlfriend?


The online shop CD WOW! gets a lawsuit from the BPI. CD WOW! has ruffled feathers by selling CDs for far less than the going rate. The BPI is worried that the normal inflated prices of CDs will look expensive compared to CD WOW!'s prices. Just before Christmas, they launch a frivolous action against CD WOW!, also issuing some press releases. This has the effect that everyone buying CDs for presents knows that CD WOW! has the best prices. How does CD WOW! manage to charge less?


~ ~


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