- About TFT
Friday Thing Archive
- Politics
- Media
- Culture and Society
- War On Terror
- People
- Places
- World
- Popped Clogs
- Music
- Books
- Film
- Etc
Help And Info
- Contact Details
- Advertising
- Jobs
- Privacy Policy
- XML Feed

Home > Music

Just The Gist #53: One Hit Wonders

Just The Gist is ACME's patented Google-unfriendly music quiz. You are given an outline of the content of a pop hit, and you give artist and title. Get the highest score, and win a prize!

12 January 2004

Here's a puzzle: why is it that the one-hit wonder lends itself so well to Just The Gist? Partly, it seems to be to do with the stories: stories make better JTG questions, but if you tell a story, you may be regarded as a novelty and not allowed back in the charts.

Each of the artists below hit Number One, but never saw the bright lights of the Top Twenty again. Tell us the artist and title of each!

  1. [1990] A journalist is kidnapped and rescued by pizza-eating cryptozoological vigilantes. Keyphrase: nuclear goop.
  2. [1969] Absent-mindedly declaring love, a man dirty-talks to his girlfriend, telling her that he is presently between her kidneys. Keyphrase: irrésolue.
  3. [1971] An elderly gentleman recalls being frightened by a car and laughing at silent film stars. His young relatives praise him as he rambles on. Keyphrase: Annie Gretzel.
  4. [1981] An Italian man reminisces about being constantly berated by his mother and told to keep quiet. Keyphrase: Television Land.
  5. [1977] A series of prospective suitors introduce themselves by giving their star sign and explaining what they're looking for in a woman. Offered: a trip to Love Land.
  6. [1978] A painter depicts Salford, and initially meets with indifference. Eventually, he is feted in London. Orientation of singers: communist.
  7. [1978] Two attractive young women describe the reactions they get when they wear halter-backed khaki clothes. Placename: Constant Spring.
  8. [1991] Two unattractive middle-aged men describe a new dance craze. The moves involve torturing felines and making effigies of religious monuments. Irreverent reference: Jacques Cousteau.
  9. [1960] A headstrong boy racer leaves a message with his girlfriend's mother that he is entering a stock-car race to try and win $1000. His car catches alight, and he dies; the girlfriend is distraught. His name: Tommy.
  10. [1970] A peripatetic cowboy explains fear of commitment with an astrological metaphor. B-side by: Clint Eastwood.
  11. [1975] A Brixton bus driver flies to the Caribbean on an airline with an unlikely name. He looks forward to meeting his girlfriend there, and to taking drugs. Flight number: 372.
  12. [1969] A vision of the world in 556 years' time. We also get to see 1566, 2576, 3586 years (etc.) into the future. God's head described as: mighty.
  13. [1970] A young man plans to go to a farm, and live the rural life, forming a rock and roll band. He arrives to find 500,000 other drop-outs there, all of them singing. Banished in a dream: fighter jets.
  14. [1982] A woman-to-woman chat. One of the woman is bored with married life. The other explains that she's been on fancy boats and had sex with royalty, and has realised you're never going to find peace with yourself unless you have a husband and a child. Keyword: whoring.
  15. [1998] We are given a recipe. The ingredients are 2 tbps cinnamon, 2-3 egg whites, half a stick of butter, a cup of flour, a quarter cup of unsweetened chocolate, half a cup of brandy and some sugar and vanilla. These are to be baked at 350F - but, oddly, there is no salt in the recipe. Rent is due on: Friday.



Other themed Just The Gists are available (e.g. war, pop punk), as well as normal ones.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

Subscribe to The Friday Thing for free

Bad words ahead The Friday Thing is a weekly email comment sheet. Casting a cynical eye over the week's events, it is rarely fair and never balanced.

A selection of articles from each week's issue appear online, but to enjoy the full Thing, delivered by email every Friday - as well as access to almost five years of back issues - you'll need to subscribe. It's absolutely free.

"Razor-sharp comment and gossip." - The Sunday Times

"Hilariously cynical..To describe it as 'irreverent' is to do the newsletter an injustice." - The Observer

"Sharp, intelligent, opinionated, uncompromising and very, very funny. Just like 'Private Eye' used to be." - Alec McKelland

"Wicked" - Channel 4

"Ace" - Time Out

"'We rise once again in advocacy of The Friday Thing. We realize that some of you may be unwilling to spend [your money] on plain-text comment, but you're only depriving yourself." - The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

"Subscribing to this at the beginning of the year was undoubtedly one of the better decisions I've made. Superlative, and utterly marvellous. I look forward to Fridays now, because I can't wait for the next issue. Fucking fucking brilliant." - Meish.org

"Featuring writers from The Observer, Smack The Pony and The 11 O'Clock Show... will continue to attract new subscribers sight unseen" - NeedToKnow

"The Friday Thing is so good it's stopping me from doing a bunk of a Friday afternoon." - Annie Blinkhorn (The Erotic Review)

"So now" - The Evening Standard

"Damn it, you rule. May you never, ever back down." - Paul Mayze

"Ace" - PopJustice

"Snarky" - Online Journalism Review

"Can you please stop making me laugh out loud... I'm supposed to be working, you know!" - Tamsin Tyrwhitt

"Your coverage of stuff as it spills is right on the money." - Mike Woods

"Popbitch with A-Levels." - Tim Footman

"In an inbox full of trite work-related nonsense, TFT shines from under its subject heading like the sun out of Angus Deayton's arse." - Nikki Hunt

"A first rate email. It's become an integral part of my week, and my life would be empty and meaningless without it (well, *more* empty and meaningless anyway)." - Mark Pugh

"Genius, absolute bit of class. And you can quote me on that." - Lee Neville

"If you're hipper than hell, this is what you read." - MarketingSherpa

"The most entertaining email I've had all week. Great tone." - Matthew Prior

"A massive and engrossing wit injection." - idiotica.co.uk

"I wouldn't know satire if it bit me on the arse. But I did like the Naomi Campbell joke." - Matt Kelly (The Mirror)

"Has had an understandably high profile among people who know about these things." - Guy Clapperton (Guardian Online)

"Satirical sideswipes at the burning issues of the day." - Radio 5 Live

"Puerile and worthless... Truly fabulous... Do read the whole thing." - Stephen Pollard

© The Friday Thing 2001-2008 - All Rights Reserved