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Home > Music

WAWIBF: sucking Satan's cock

29 January 2004

What a great sloppy wet suck of a week it's been for flamboyant Gods of Rock, The Darkness. What's that you say? Rock? Rock? Gods of Cock more like. Gods of Dark Lord Satan's Fat Christmassy Cock. The fucking Darkness indeed. Dark as a bag of crisps.

In case you missed it, the story goes like this: some short-sighted small-minded money-eyed rat of a record label exec realised that The Darkness could sell a lot more records if they had their wryly-ironic treacle-rock pumped directly into the Freddie Mercury-loving hearts of today's modern shopper - many of whom neither listen to Radio One nor watch MTV, but for now are quite happy with their Queen cassettes. But they do shop. They shop in malls. Hence, the solution...

The market-cracker.

The Darkness would have to become Mall Music. But there was a problem. A few of The Darkness's songs include language which could very well offend certain mall-users and even, God of Rock forbid, stop them using the mall. So, the horned suit at the label asked The Darkness if they wouldn't mind re-recording a few of their, let's say, *darker* lyrics. But that's fine. That's his job. Just as it is the job of The Darkness to tell him to go fuck himself, quickly, before he is disembowelled and eaten.

But - sadly - no. Instead, singer Justin Hawkins, along with the rest of the band presumably, is perfectly happy to roll over and play oral wanksock for Satan. He told reporters this week:

"For Black Shuck, where I sing, 'That dog don't give a f***!', I've changed it to 'duck'! I've got away with it too!"

No, Justin, you've got away with nothing. You're a cent-kissing berk and you have zero integrity.

Hawkins continued:

"You can either take the nonsensical approach to it all. Or you can try doing something that still makes some sense."

Or Justin, you can just say no. When Satan comes to you and attempts to pry open your lips with his great glans, you just say, "No thanks, Satan. I care for more than mere money." But sadly, the Darkness don't.


No More Darkness.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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